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Amelia, a green parrot
The original entry
No, really. A bird. More specifically, a large parrot. Most specifically, a Blue-Faced Amazon.

Amelia lasts decades and communicates with you by purring and trilling back and forth. She accepted peanuts from your hand but never let you pet her as much as you would wish without threatening you with her beak. I do not recall her ever biting you, but she could have done damage if she had wanted to.

Do not assume all birds are as objectionable as the jendes, two of which are still alive as I write this if purely owing to spite. They do not look well, but they are alive.

Birds do not seem to be short-lived creatures.

So clearly you would see why I was upset upon the addition of a much larger, understandably angry parrot to our avian menagerie. Supposedly, it is just a guest.

You've met your mother. You knew that Amelia would be a permanent fixture in the living room.

It growls at us quite a bit. So far no one has come forward to claim it. We have checked the papers, no ads have been posted. We are going to get stuck with it.

The theory I recall was that police raided an illegal pet store in Newburgh, and the owners responded by releasing every animal to reduce the penalty. I cannot assure you this is true, but it would explain why no one tried to find their thousand-dollar bird.

Tonight Emily is spending the night. She is taking summer courses at New Paltz and, until she is done, she has decided that she is going to spend every Monday here. My home is closer and I can help her with her math homework.

This is technically true, but not why she is doing this.


Thomm Quackenbush is an author and teacher in the Hudson Valley. He has published four novels in his Night's Dream series (We Shadows, Danse Macabre, Artificial Gods, and Flies to Wanton Boys). He has sold jewelry in Victorian England, confused children as a mad scientist, filed away more books than anyone has ever read, and tried to inspire the learning disabled and gifted. He is capable of crossing one eye, raising one eyebrow, and once accidentally groped a ghost. When not writing, he can be found biking, hiking the Adirondacks, grazing on snacks at art openings, and keeping a straight face when listening to people tell him they are in touch with 164 species of interstellar beings. He likes when you comment.