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The Word (2000.12.31)
I plan for a pleasant New Years Eve with Zanna, Conor, and Alison. I explain my need to live in the moment. I long for Kate to explain what we are and what we are doing.

Wisdom From Pastries (2000.12.30)
Zack and I seek wisdom in Cold Spring. I end up in Cold Spring too frequently. I reencounter an acquaintance from high school and stare baffled. Kendall and I feel old. I see my dear Conor and he honors me too much.

Kiss From a Rose (2000.12.22)
Kate and I kiss! It's all thanks to Nabakov. I aspire to a new relationship with her.

Hope Elf (2000.12.21)
I confess to Heather how much Kate baffled me and I want to dissect her.

Lone Wolf (2000.12.20)
I lament Kate's distance and false designation of herself as a "lone wolf." I am remarkably dependant on the mere idea of her. A lax shop owner allows my minor brother to be seen full on at a ritual filmed by ABC news. We are not happy.

Which One Is the Puppet? (2000.12.04)
I see something called bread and puppet theater. I think it is a cult. I try to sort through my feelings so I can conceive of dating Amanda. It does not work well, though we play on chessboards together.

Hand of Zan (2000.11.19)
Zan returns to my life, though to what end I can't imagine. I explain my theory of Fate and her influence in my life.

Objectification (2000.11.07)
I feel that Kate and her friends objectify me, seeing me not as a person with valid feelings but a cardboard cut-out with the word "KATE'S EX-BOYFRIEND" on it in black crayon.

The Cup of Life (2000.10.23)
Zan returns to my life, though to what end I can't imagine. I explain my theory of Fate and her influence in my life.

With Enough Rope (2000.10.22)
Katie... leaves me. Breaks up with me. She doesn't want to be with me anymore. She confesses that she has taken to smoking and I am understanding. So why am I alone? She insists that we are so very different, despite my protests. She insists that I am wonderful and attractive, confusing me. JB and Virginia act like everything is normal and wonder why I am upset, when they know full well the situation. Kate emotionally cuts me off when I hurt. JB and Virginia gloats that Kate left me and fuck with her to justify their lifestyles. I hurt so much.

A Minute Away From Snowing (2000.09.28)
I am so filled with the beauty of the world and my love for my friends that I feel like I am dying. In a nice way.

...With Your Face Sketched On It Twice (2000.06.17)
I return from my Canadian vacation with Katie and her family, loaded down with baggage of an emotional sort. But I am trying my hardest to lighten the load. I try to explain my faith to Katie's mom, though she was ambushing me to a degree. It makes her mother love and miss me. Again, the mere concept of sexual attraction frightens Kate. More over, she is inducing a sexlessness about herself. I am swayed by all of femininity. Katie receives an ultimatum.

Halifax (2000.06.14)
A checkpoint, informing you all how my Canadian vacation is going. Not very detailed, as I only had a few minutes.

Bay of Fundy (2000.06.07)
The first part of my Canadian travelogue. I find an Internet connection in a place that barely has running water. I freeze and the camper almost gets blown over in a storm.

Familiarity In Isolation (2000.05.25)
I mull over my feelings for Katie, which are not always as fond as they should be. She is so desperately sad. But I like so much more who I am in her arms. I pile on the mixed metaphors.

The Sun Also Rises (2000.03.08)
I have problems with Katie because she feels the need to defend people whom she has never met rather than me, her boyfriend. In addition, she practically seduces me during a party and will hardly share five words with me the next day. I don't know what to do. Some jerk kisses Katie, but she tells JB a week before I know. How can I go on in a relationship where I am treated this way?

Thomm Quackenbush is an author and teacher in the Hudson Valley. Double Dragon publishes four novels in his Night's Dream series (We Shadows, Danse Macabre, and Artificial Gods, and Flies to Wanton Boys). He has sold jewelry in Victorian England, confused children as a mad scientist, filed away more books than anyone has ever read, and tried to inspire the learning disabled and gifted. He is capable of crossing one eye, raising one eyebrow, and once accidentally groped a ghost. When not writing, he can be found biking, hiking the Adirondacks, grazing on snacks at art openings, and keeping a straight face when listening to people tell him they are in touch with 164 species of interstellar beings. He likes when you comment.

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