Author and Columnist
Candy Apple Divine (2004.12.27)
Lepidopterology (2004.12.20)
B-List Ninja (2004.12.13)
Bodies and Words (2004.12.06)
Snubbing Contentment (2004.11.30)
This Is Not an Entry (2004.11.21)
Republicans for Voldemort (2004.11.14)
The Haunted Bone (2004.11.07)
Robbing Goodfellows (2004.10.20)
Leave It to Chance (2004.10.13)
Underdog Lovely (2004.10.02)
She Said (2004.09.24)
And Silver Linings (2004.09.08)
Boomer (2004.09.04)
In the Shadow of a Playground (2004.08.30)
Slake George (2004.08.19)
You're Not Enough People (2004.08.08)
Of Pearls and Swine (2004.07.30)
Toys in Babeland (2004.07.20)
Getting a Job Is Not the End of the World (2004.07.11)
Palm to Palm (2004.07.05)
Bird in the Hand (2004.06.28)
The Center on Catherine Street (2004.06.26)
Strawberry Fields (2004.06.19)
Momentum (2004.06.07)
Trusty Sidekick (2004.05.26)
Burnt Toast (2004.05.20)
Thin Mint (2004.05.12)
Cynophobia (2004.05.07)
Hipster (2004.05.02)
Martial Arts Hall of Fame (2004.04.27)
Flaneur (2004.04.23)
[Arbitrary 4/20 Drug Reference] (2004.04.20)
All the Proof We Need (2004.04.09)
Just Some Joseph Looking for a Manger (2004.03.31)
Estuary (2004.03.20)
Divergent Brooke (2004.03.08)
Framing One-Eyed Willy (2004.03.02)
Stare Freely at Genius (2004.02.22)
Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads (2004.02.20)
A Part Meant (2004.02.11)
Command and Conquer (2004.02.01)
Champagne Room (2004.01.25)
Artificial Marigolds (2004.01.17)
Who's the Doctor Now (2004.01.07)
Sara the Goode dresses to impress creatures with poor hygiene. Xen find the divine reassurance of Godspell, but he is still going to be fired.
Xen studies the butterflies people have become and meets Dan the Potato Boy.
Xen gets irate over the book racism. Emily is a b-list celebrity of the ninja world.
Zack teaches his mysterious ways as they apply to Katlyn the Great... lyn. Xen gets irritable over a sponge and Kei returns from the land of potatoes.
Xen agrees to being a free spirit, though he wants to keep his shorts on. He wants more magick in his life, both literally and figuratively, enumerating the latter.
Melissa and Xen pay a visit to Bard to see Angela's art, which is circular but not breasts. There are breasts, of course, but not Angela's. They duck out early to help me get inspired.
Somehow, Shrub gets elected over Horsey. Xen laments and then realizes that life will continue, though possibly in Canada.
The Haunted Mansion ends, leaving Xen feeling dispossessed. Bone forces together the unholy union of eighties pop and grunge. The result has a snout and an eye patch.
Xen doesn't want to be part of the system destroying kids, he just wants you to tell him you are reading this.
Xen creates a new friend out of lipids and tea tree oil, leading him to contemplate his inactive organs and the hand of fate.
Xen recoils at throbbing members, but tries to woo in Zack's stead and unbidden.
Sarah insists upon seeing Xen, which confirms that she is crazy. No one sane demands to see Xen. This becomes of bone of contention, which is different that the picking of apples. The latter involved more mortality.
Mount Saint Mary jerks Xen around, but he makes the most of an otherwise wasted day, getting closer to a job, a hobby, and a new best friend.
Kei claims to be getting married. Emily and Xen go on a snipe hunt in Fredricksburg, Virginia.
Xen and Zack hash over space alien fauns and terrestrial but baffling women. Xen goes on a snipe hunt, but does not snipe much.
Xen and his family go on vacation to Lake George, bringing with them Becky. No one is choked this time, but we almost drown in the rain.
Lauren returns to the fold, though it may be a bit more like a tesseract. Xen is unpopular in the past tense and is ancient in the present. Zack may be venturing forth from his apartment.
Wherein our narrator waxes philosophical about the location of his new job, deals with the quasi-spawn of a former boss, and meets a pigman.
This entry is not safe for work. Xen laments missing a deadline. Emily, Zack, and Xen are told to buy vibrators.
Xen, Zack, Dave, and Nikki spend time speculating as to the death of Marlon Brando and why Sloth loved Chunk. Xen morbidly and introspectively watches fireworks.
Xen finds a decapitated Kate doll and is harassed by a fraud. Emily jabs Xen in the ribs, but still gets no sleep. Oh, and Lauren gets married, if you are into that sort of thing.
Emily and Xen trek up to Maine to see Emily sister (who is perfect and wonderful and did we mention a doctor?) get married. Xen catches the Chickadee of Sleepiness.
Xen interviews poorly, but is not a racist. You take what you can get.
Pete Seeger does not serenade our cast with bad political filks, but old crushes are revisited. Liz, just in case you missed it, does not come around anymore.
Xen is still jobless and it growing morose, which is like moss on the nose. Xen and Emily hang out with Brooke and Eliot with wacky results. Result may vary.
Xen gets closer to discovering why he was fired and Emily uncovers a temple, though doom is likely uninvolved.
Xen wants to be a journalism grad student at NYU, which is great since he no longer has a job.
Margaret the infirmed is going to a racist prom on the arm of a gent of African descent in order not to make her boyfriend jealous. I could think of easier ways. Zack is propositioned on a bus. Emily turns bright red out of anger, which is better than white from sadness.
Zack becomes cursed by us all. Emily wears a cast and gets injected with toxins. We sure do know how to show her a good time.
Xen and Kei go for a walk to discuss hipster boys and are confronted by a cop as a result. As such, we hang out in bars with a magazine cover.
Emily is inducted into the Martial Arts Hall of Fame and brings Xen along for the ride, though the forces of fate and incorrect invitations conspire against our daring duo.
Zack and Xen wander past couples fondling one another to discuss the synergistic sexiness. The wander holy tracks in search of monsters.
Xen and Emily are domestically blissful, though the former is harassed by corpulent cops for exercising.
Xen actually likes the apartment and does a cartoon outtake to prove it. It is not full of deadly gas, however.
Xen is not employed explaining art, but does meet one who could be kith. Despite and because of this fact and so much more, he is unsure about living arrangements.
Brooke and Eliot are sticking together and sticking around. Flynn, on the other hand, is going to become an assassin in Georgia. Conor discovers a true treasure of the eighties.
Zack is fond of Kelly, but Screech nearly blows everything. Brooke offers Emily and Xen her apartment, but they are uncomfortable with the price.
Xen will get to play naughty pedagogue with Conor's little sister. Zuul rechristen Lunchbox and Steady Hands McGee. Xen does not propose, though Lord of the Rings sweeps the Oscar's anyway. Zack shows a waitress his One-Eyed Willy, yet she does not immediately give herself to him.
Xen manages to see, touch, and hold Sarah who sings songs of her life while an amazing girl and her castle-building pirate love orbits and weave. Sarah sees Jake and only the invisible ropes of the pixydemon mime can cause her to leave.
Xen, Emily, and Zack plan a drunken poetry soiree and our eventual expatriation. Shrimp are not thrown in romance, so we have Frida Kahlo and ice cream instead.
Xen and M go apartment hunting. Kei and Melissa stir up the restless spirit of a morbid painter. The lesbian vampiric Titanic sinks.
Kei and Mike enjoy a rousing session of Command and Conquer with his little brother. Xen has a bad day and a frying egg almost burns his house down. Nothing positive is happening between Zack and The Betsy.
We finally meet Mike. We have a sleepover and discuss leg waxing as a flirtation. Zack, Kei, and Xen sleep together.
Xen keeps busy by smelling Annie and hunting hypothetical zombies. Keilaina announces that she has a boyfriend who is playing left field.
A year passes and clothing is doffed. Emily gets a new job. Conor breaks up with Janaya and Emily forecasts doom.