Melissa is Xen's sister, though they come from differently screwed-up genetic backgrounds. She was born of gun-toting Republicans that are little seen by Melissa's friends. The family sticks to the top floor, Melissa and her friends to the basement.

Melissa has lived through more in her twenty and pocket change years than most people ever will. Certainly a lot more than people are built to. More importantly, she did it with the wry sort of smile one would expect from a serial killer or Buddhist monk. In fact, she once even exploded and she walk away from it. That's impressive and you know it. She has counseled disturbed children and adults, as well as given speeches to a room full of drug abusers that actually got through to them.

But it's not all fun and games for Melissa, she also fights alien scum in Pine Bush, denies a lesbian relationship with Angela, and tries to convince Evan not to become Canadian. Two out of three of these are lost causes, but it's up to you to figure out which.

Despite all that she has gone through, Melissa is always Melissa. No Devil made her do anything. She has been completely possessed of her wits and judgment, whether overdosing or getting Taco Bell. Definitely while overdosing on Cheesy Gordita Crunches.

Melissa loves Stevehen, even though he has never exploded. At least not in the sense that a car roof opened up like Jiffy Pop. We can't all be awesome.

Aliases: Melberta, Melisqua, Pricillicone Queen of the Transvestites, Horse Bill, "The Enforcer" Meliza

Birthday: August 3, 1980

Zodiac: Leo

Height: 5'8.5268374523194823" (approximately)

Eyes: braygrueyel (brown, gray, green, blue, yellow)

Hair: Brown (originally, we think. Maybe.)

Spiritual Path/Religion: Melissaism/Some form of Christianity that isn't so concentrated on sins

Role: Sister/best friend/firework

Origin in Xen's Story: Xen met her his eighth grade year. Through a mutual then-acquaintance, they had frequent phone conversations owing to Melissa's phone having three way calling. So, of course, they began conversing sans the mutual acquaintance. An apocalyptic Renaissance painter played a small part as well. No, really.

Quotes: "Why can't the tinking pinky be the thinking pinky too?"
"I blowed up."
"Did you know that burnt skin smells like McDonald's french fries? Hey, let's go get some McDonalds!"
"Glade hallucinations never lie to you!"
"I like watching stuff more than doing stuff."
"Goddamn you, there is NOT steak in that cow! Oh, wait..."
"It is reputed that there is a chocolate Glade, the Holy Grail. Someday I will find it. I think they have it in Virginia."
"Of course Australia isn't real. Have you ever been there? Of course not. It's not real. Wallabies indeed."
"And skunks think: 'doot doot doot, I'm a skunk. Doot doot doot, I'm a skunk.' Angry skunks think: 'dootdootdoot! I'm a skunk! Dootdootdoot! I'm a skunk!'"
"Man, I'd be so much cooler if I were black."
"Election day is like Christmas Eve, if Christmas might also be Armageddon."

Defining Moment in Relationship: Driving around the area trying and succeeding to find paranormal hot spots while we listen to her iPod on shuffle.

Divine Dominion Over: Explosions, drugs, rehab, NOFX, The Simpsons

Best advice: "Whatever I do, don't."

Future Profession: Rehab counselor or daredevil

Current Profession: Mental Health Cas Manager

Best Quality: That she isn't jaded by what has happened to her. She does not jade.

Superpower: Actually, she is fire proof and has survived events that would have killed anyone else. I'm pretty sure a knife would shatter and melt if I tried to throw it at her.

Fictional Characters Most Like: Homer Simpson, Bill the Cat