|Do you see how my penis glows? Now write a comic about it! Do it while I watch you!|
The mainstream media is a lie, Ron Paul is a genius, NASA failed to bomb the moon because of combined might of fucking will power, my brother is a Jedi Knight and my penis inspired the blue Superman of the 1990's. One of these is a false statement. Can you guess which one? To explore this further, let's hop aboard my magical invisible plane to Great Britain. Ah yes, the land of crumpets and small flying boys. Consequently, it's also the home of Levi, who is only the world's best known psychic. Seriously, he's so completely badass, he doesn't need his last name. Rumor is, he traded it for the ability to glance into the future or something along those lines. That would oddly explain the whole power thing, but would possibly be the most thrown together origin ever.
Those of you who have stuck around over the years know my reputation for mocking those who believe they have a gift to see into the future. This time, it's different. This guy is the real deal. He's been predicting crap for, like, two years. Seriously, check out this guy's backlog of ramblings. Some of it is nonsensical, almost borderline delusional. All of it, however, puts a smile on my face, a smile of sheer terror, because, dear reader, we are all going to die. Let's just bite the bullet, go year for year with Levi as he prepares us for what could very well be our last years on earth.
2007-Juno captured the movie going world, Chamillionaire promised to never let us down and Michael Thomas wrote a book or something (like anyone reads). Levi predicted disaster!
You will begin to notice an element of increasing mental breakdowns and strange behaviour no matter where you are on the planet. You may first spot this amongst attention seekers like showbiz people and politicians. For instance George Dubya Bush playing the bongos and batty B. Spears shaving her head. In everyday life you may see it in self centred people and liars becoming delusional. In reality, their intended victims or emotional punch bags will see through their intentions easily.
...*waves* He's in it to make money, you know. Seriously, he will do psychic readings over the Internet. It's a horribly funny idea when you lay it out. Basically, it revolves around an Internet Camera, TeamSpeak, and holding a straight face as he mystically produces your future, a future completely pointless as the world is going to end. "Well, you were going to be an artist, but fuck, the world is dying. That'll be twenty dollars please."
2007 will be a roller coaster as mother nature vents her anger. Watch out for major undersea earthquakes in the North Pacific where new land will rise from the sea.
|I was like, "hey, girl, can I get your number?" I remember what you told me too, "Don't call after ten." But you know that I did, 'Cause I couldn't stop thinkin' 'bout you... There are no needles or prescription drugs in this house.|
Atlantis is coming back! Finally Aquaman will be relevant to the comic book universe again. Now we just have to keep Peter David away. No, Peter, you can't screw this one up. He would've controlled the fish with his mind, you just wanted to give him the hook hand to make him edgy, and it was fail.
2008-The Dark Knight garnished acclaim; the New Kids on the Block released the video for their comeback album. As Americans, we need to pause here and remember a better world. Now some of you out there will claim that this is at best an insignificant event. You would be horribly mistaken. This is the day when music died. Strike that, this is the day when Buddy Holly emerged from his coffin, dragged his zombified body to the gravesite of the Big Bopper, and ejaculated ants onto his tombstone while texting Gary Busey naked pictures of Uncle Sam. Also Ethan Canin wrote a book or something about Watergate at the affects it had on small American towns. The whole zombie ejaculating ant thing has me a bit distracted. Levi predicted American riots!
There will be many demonstrations about the pure state of the economy. I see big fuel problems and profiteering. For a country designed around the automobile, this will be devastating. Most Americans will realize that things cannot be allowed to continue on a downward spiral and demand removal of the present false prophets who have infiltrated the White House
Well, this didn't happen. How awesome would this have been, though? Gas riots! Here's the problem I see with the current generation, we are not the activist type. Not to say we don't have things we believe in, rather the idea of stumbling out into the streets in order to protest a situation is not something we generally do anymore. This is, of course, not including the current tea party protest; those people are just likely retarded. Still, I wonder how this protest went for our side.
The responsive crackdown on US citizens will shock the world. I am puzzled here. I see Police in black riot gear but also Police dressed like soldiers in combat gear. Maybe National Guard but I'm sure they are more connected to the Police than the Military. Does this make sense to anyone in America? Do you have a new kind of Military Police Section?
Secret Military Police Squad activate, in the form of THIS CRAP NEVER HAPPENED! Even if it had, this is one of those things you don't want to be right about. Here's my advice to any future seers, just keep the visions small, aim so low that even if you are right, no one cares because when you predict secret police cracking down on riots that don't occur, you end up looking like a complete jackass. By all means, whatever you do, don't claim that you predicted the September 11th terrorist attacks.
A few years ago, I predicted three simultaneous terror attacks would shake America to her foundations which would lead them into a war they cannot win. Then came 9/11. Four attacks in all but one is said to have failed. I wrote that particular prediction in cryptic because there was a strange feel about it. When I later saw the two twin towers fall so perfectly like a controlled demolition, a lot of strangeness was answered. We are about to see this strangeness again, sooner rather than later.
Bullshit! Bullshit! Pants on fire, not sure how that song goes... Okay, let's take this hypothetical situation a bit further. You claim to have predicted the terrorist attacks of September 11th. You did nothing with this information. I would like to see you in prison. Here's the deal, if you have tricked yourself into thinking that this is an actual gift and had a vision of a large group of people dying and did nothing to prevent it, well, fuck you. Guessing on the future is not prediction. It's just guessing.
If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.