Thomm Quackenbush, author

Inappropriate Use of Public Domain Pictures 06

Mr. Monkey: So there he was standing outside my bedroom door making train sounds. It was the dandiest thing you ever did see. He was so excited about the ride that he fell asleep three stops in. "Daddy gets to ride the train!" He said that to his little friends at school. It was adorable.

Mrs. Bear: You tell the best stories, Mr. Monkey. It sounds like you had a great time.

Mr. Monkey: I did. You know, maybe they're onto something with the whole bring your kids to work day. I think it led to some real bonding time between us.

Ms. Kitten: Is there a way to bury a body so deep that you can't hear the screams at night?

Mr. Monkey: Train sounds! He just made train sounds. It was really great.

Mrs. Bear: Did you... did you say something, Ms. Kitten?

Ms. Kitten: I need you two to be my friends. No matter what I tell you, you just have to stay my friends.

Mr. Monkey: ...

Mrs. Bear: What happened, Sunshine?

Ms. Kitten: I wore a pretty dress...

Mr. Monkey: She's falling.

Mrs. Bear: I've got her, Mr. Monkey get a glass of water.

Mr. Monkey: On it.

Ms. Kitten: I wore a pretty dress. Yes, I would like to dance...

Mr. Bear: You have to stay with me, okay?

Ms. Kitten: *gurgle*

Mrs. Bear: Oh sweetie, you're making a mess.

Ms. Kitten: There's the ribbon you gave her. It was her favorite.

Mrs. Bear: MR. MONKEY!

Mr. Monkey: Water... here!

Ms. Kitten: I couldn't say goodbye.

Mr. Monkey: Oh....

Ms. Kitten: I just wanted to be happy. The drugs, you see, the drugs made me happy. I felt like a mother again. She wasn't dead. I thought if I could just put her back.

Mr. Monkey: I don't need to hear this!

Ms. Kitten: She cries at night, and screams and the screams got louder. She wanted to be reborn.

Mr. Monkey: Do you know what this means? We just became accessories.

Mrs. Bear: We're going to get her some help.

Mr. Monkey: She dipped her dead baby in LSD and fucking ate it! That's the most god awful thing ever conceived. I'm crazier for hearing this shit.

Mrs. Bear: She needs help.

Ms. Kitten: I... feel *cough*

Mrs. Bear: Convulsing, she's biting her tongue. I don't know if I can stop the blood.

Mr. Monkey: Oh God, I'm going to *gurgle* *Splat*

Mrs. Bear: Mr. Monkey, watch out, you're going to slip...

Mr. Monkey: Oh fuck, it's in my hair. I can smell her, it's like rancid ham.

Ms. Kitten: SHE ALWAYS LIKED YOU BEST, MR. MONKEY!

Mr. Monkey: This is not happening...

To be continued...


Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.



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Works by Thomm Quackenbush

The Night's Dream Series

We Shadows by Thomm Quackenbush

Danse Macabre by Thomm Quackenbush

Artificial Gods by Thomm Quackenbush