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Ghost Psychics

"It is not for us to prove the mediums are dishonest, it is for them to prove that they are honest." -Houdini

I see dead people. Seriously, that person you loved whose recently passed on is taking to me. I know it sounds weird. I can prove it though. Did he ever tell you how much he loved you? He was meaning to get around to it. He was busy; I mean, his death was unexpected. It took the doctors by surprise. He told me to remind you about the morning. He said there was something you guys did every morning, and he still does it. He's with you everyday of your life and he's so proud of you, but a little sad at the same time. He says you're distressed, and that's not your personality. He wants you to move on with you life, don't worry he still loves you. He just worries. Do you feel better? Okay, you owe me one hundred and thirty dollars.

Son of a bitch, I hate psychics.

This goes out to the John Edward's and various others out there who decided that their job on this planet is to play off the grieving emotions of others. My message is clear enough. I want you to stop it. Seriously, stop it. You might have fooled people into thinking that you have some supernatural ability, or, maybe through the years of lying to others, you've actually convinced yourself you're doing the right thing. You're not. Now your defense will be that you don't approach people and force them to attend your television shows or dimly lit conjuring areas, and you have me there. People come to you because you offer one last chance to contact their loved ones. Damn it all, you're all too ready to do this and make a quick buck in the process. You offer a sense of closure and comfort for the bereaved. What gives you that right? Lying to someone, offering false hope in the most confusing time anyone can go through, that makes you a prick.

You might be saying to yourself, how does that crazy ol' Stevehen explain all this wondrous amount of psychic powers? Welcome to the wonderful world of cold reading. Here, guessing and backtracking form a bastard marriage and someone's going to end up paying for it.

Rest assured, the dead mumble and they love their charades. That's why the psychics have such a hard time getting anywhere. Crossing over onto the other side also has a strange effect on the memory of the departed. Names become letters and hobbies become strange pictures. It might have something with the psychic being a complete douche, incapable of producing anything more then a well edited guess. Failure of the psychic to actually discover anything is likely the fault of the audience member, who happens not to know that her grandfather's middle name began with an 'R'. Remember, it's your fault if the psychic is unable to guess your distress. Next time, know everything about everyone in your family whose passed, it'll help broaden the chances of the psychic getting something right.

What's worse then guessing? How about already knowing your audience? It's called "hot reading" and it involves having certain information before the psychic reading. This might seem a hell of a lot like cheating, but that's the point. Widen the bars a little and your chances of getting a supposed psychic hit become that much greater.

Time Magazine did a story about the hot reading phenomena as it pertained to the former "Crossing Over" television program.

Time's Leon Jaroff (2001):
O'Neill recalled that while the audience was waiting to be seated, Edward's aides were scurrying about, striking up conversations and getting people to fill out cards with their name, family tree and other facts. Once inside the auditorium, where each family was directed to preassigned seats, more than an hour passed before show time while "technical difficulties" backstage were corrected.

We are experiencing technical difficulties; please stand by while I learn your personal history. Thank you. John Edwards himself does not respond to criticism and the producers of the show declared this article full of lies, ensuring the people of the world that John Edwards is indeed capable of guessing. I don't even know what that is supposed to mean.

Your Moment of Insanity:

This is true: Michael Jackson communicated with Liberace.
A Michael Jackson joke, I feel like a second rate Jay Leno now. On a side note, the ghost of Robert Frost told me to take all his money and invest it in ham. Someone cut me a check.

Do you have psychic powers? Well, James Randi has a million dollars for you if you can prove it. Let me know if you win it.

Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.

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