Thomm Quackenbush, author

Cursed Skull

Do you like dimly lit, smog clouded glimpses of Chicago? How do you like tough female cops who do not take no for an answer? Perhaps racist union workers are more of your treat? Maybe you would like to see a sixty-year-old mafia hitman beaten with a rock and decapitated by a train? No? Well, maybe I will just uncover a cursed skull of asphyxiation-loving former military man named John Ramsey at my job, ram my head into the wall repeatability while my coworkers do absolutely nothing until I die, and come back as a silent yet deadly serial killer who wears a World War II gas mask. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. Take a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll, mix it with a military experiment and add a collage process of overlapping footage and you will only begin to scratch the surface of Cursed Skull.

John Ramsey made two mistakes in his life. First, he signed up for a military experiment which would allow his body to reanimate after death and then he decided to test his life span further by having an affair with the wife of a mafia boss. John is an idiot. So, twenty years later, some union construction workers are just hanging around when one of their workers decides to ram his head into the wall until he dies. Do they try to stop him? Well, no, but that guy smelled funny and the overtime would have helped. Enter the worker's daughter, who uncovers a conspiracy of military experiments and Mafioso ties. Well, not really. Apparently, the script was accidentally dropped on the floor before it was shot. What is left is a barrage of mixed plot lines that never truly pan out, leaving the audience wondering how John managed to possess a construction worker and where the sudden realization of a military experiment comes into play. This entire framework is destroyed when the director, obviously confused himself, decides to ditch the script and descend the piece into a typical slasher film. The audience is left with a good idea on paper that is poorly executed in front of their eyes.

It looks good. I mean if I were to gather thirteen friends and shoot a piece of crap movie based off a script written on a napkin during a drunken rampage at Denny's, I'm sure my movie would not be nearly as nice as this was. It boils down to independent filmmaking, so already certain rules apply. It will probably have a bad script, check. The actors will be a collection of waiters and waitresses all with their headshots in annoyingly close proximity to themselves at all time, check. There has to be violence and sex, check. It will be bad, super check. The cast is shuffled around well enough, but the basic use of stereotypical personalities hampers the production. In the end, the movie boils down to the same concept seen dozens of times over and promises new ideas, but fails to pan them out.

A decent first attempt, the people behind Cursed Skull would do better to first tighten the story up, get drunk, and try to re-shoot in twenty years when the abomination of this film has left the taste buds of those unfortunate enough to see it.

Things you should look out for:

  1. Cursed Skull pays tribute to just about every movie ever made. From Reservoir Dogs, to Dark City, even Deliverance, when in doubt steal a scene from a good director.
  2. The American military invaded China, well they did according to this movie. Know your history, people.
  3. The perfect time to make sweet love is after seeing the murderer. Killers are so freaking hot.

Your moment of insanity:

I come from a rich family. John and other American came into our house. They raped my mom and killed my dad. My sister and I were there when it happened.

Then what happened?

The explosion, the biggest one I ever saw. I can still see my mother, looking at me with her dead eyes. It took me a while to realize her chest was open and her guts were all around. (At this point, the actress makes dog noises while licking up sugar. I love the movies.)

Cursed Skull is a horrible title for any movie. Here are some movies with better titles:

  1. They Saved Hitler's Brain
  2. Monkey Fist Floating Snake
  3. Swordsman With Umbrella


Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.



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Works by Thomm Quackenbush

Anthologies

Find What You Love and Let It Kill You by Thomm Quackenbush
Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft by Thomm Quackenbush
A Creature Was Stirring: A Twisted Christmas Anthology by Thomm Quackenbush
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On B&N
At Double Dragon