Thomm Quackenbush, author

50 First Dates

Good morning, Lucy. Everything is going to be okay, but here are some of the things you missed this year.

  1. The New York Yankees are still dirty little cheaters.
  2. Your father fell off my boat and was unfortunately eaten by a seal.
  3. Our daughter hates the way you smell.
  4. Your brother still does steroids, but he plays football. So, everything is okay with him.
  5. Rob Schneider is actually funny in this film. Now don't look to your left. He's standing right over there. We don't want him to overhear us. He'll just make another bad movie.

Adam Sandler plays a womanizing veterinarian in Hawaii who systematically sleeps with various tourists and is a walking example of every sexual disease ever. Drew Barrymore plays a woman suffering from short term memory loss, who weights absolutely nothing despite the fact that she eats waffles every morning and birthday cake every night. These two cats were made for each other. Since Adam's character are always semi-retarded in some aspect, he takes excessively long to realize that there is something wrong with Drew's character. When he does, though, his life descends into a relationship based on first base in which the partner never remembers you, so it's just like Roman Catholicism. At the end of the day, those two crazy kids live their dreams and the world is filled with happiness.

Technically, this movie falls under romantic comedy, however, since Meg Ryan is thankfully nowhere to be found, the movie turns out to be okay. Drew and Adam are a natural mix and portray a decent, if not completely unnatural, couple. I take that back, Drew married Tom Green. For guys, the movie is a pattern of what we constantly do wrong, while women will sigh and wonder why their man does not do such nice things for them. It's a no win situation. Still it remains adorable and ends well without descending into a barrage of crap, which is always a good thing.

A good first date movie, 50 First Dates is a well written comedy with the right blend of heart and story. One of my favorite movies, if you ignore the small flaws, it holds up nicely as a quality and enduring film.

Your Moment of Insanity:

Lucy, as you know, your mother and I were best friends. That's why I promised her that I would always help look after you. Sometimes life isn't very fair, but we still have you.

Things You Should Look Out For:

  1. The movie associates the Beach Boys with love. I associate the Beach Boys with drugs and gang violence. That's just me though.
  2. If a woman stood in the middle of public and said that it was October when it was really May and then had a fit in front of a cop, I think she would be arrested, even if she were in Hawaii.
  3. I'm convinced Adam Sandler will continue making movies until he runs out of songs from the 1980's. On a side note, 311 performs a horrible version of Love Song. Which, if you remember, was a good song by The Cure. Thus, the circle of life is complete.
  4. Since Adam plays a womanizer, you would think that his pick-up lines would make some kind of sense. They don't. Although I admit the illiteracy line is still hilarious.
  5. Sean Astin looks like he can beat you up, which is the third sign of the Apocalypse.

Adam Makes Good Movies... Sometimes

  1. Punch Drunk Love
  2. Waterboy
  3. Happy Gilmore


Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

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