Thomm Quackenbush, author

Dearest Zacky,
What do you know about paganism?
-In the Heath

There is something Pagan in me that I cannot shake off. In short, I deny nothing, but doubt everything.
-Lord Byron

Dear Heathen,
What do I know about paganism?? Not much, that's more Xen's area of expertise, but I have gleaned a little knowledge about the pagan religion from my friendship with him.
The word P.A.G.A.N. stands for People Against Goodness And Normalcy. Most pagans wear a lot of fur and viking hats (even though the vikings never wore horns on their hats). They like to get together and swing swords around while jumping over broomsticks. It is not certain whether they sacrifice virgins or not, but I do believe they eat their young.
Well, I hope you can put this information to good use. Wait a minute... was that a test??? Are you a pagan spy??? If I know too much will you turn me into a toad??? I hope not... if you do will you use the same spell they used in the frog prince, so some beautiful princess will come along and kiss me and then we'll live happily ever after?? If you do I'll let you eat my young!!

P.S. Zack would like it to be known that he has no problem with any pagans whatsoever and he made up almost everything he said. he would like to apologize for offending any pagans. Please, please, please, don't turn him into a toad.

To have your terribly important or vaguely witty question answered, ask the wind. Zack gave up on this column. Yeah, sorry.

Ask Zack is a syndicated advice column printed in over 700 newspapers, periodicals, and websites. However, this may not be true in your space-time. Zack is not a doctor of any stripe, nor has he played one on television. Please use your own common sense and consult a professional with your problem(s). Zack, Xen, or any other implied agents are not in any way responsible to you for any reason, whatsoever. Try suing Big Tobacco, we hear they have deep pockets.

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Works by Thomm Quackenbush


Find What You Love and Let It Kill You by Thomm Quackenbush
Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft by Thomm Quackenbush
A Creature Was Stirring: A Twisted Christmas Anthology by Thomm Quackenbush
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