Thomm Quackenbush, author

Toby Keith

People sometimes just go around and make complete idiots out of themselves. Take it from me, sometimes I act like a battered wife and by that I mean "deserving whatever I get". See, some of you crazy liberals out there might find that previous statement horribly insensitive. Well, what are you going to do about it, Mr. Sensitive? You'll do nothing. Do you know why? The Constitution gives me the right to say whatever I want without ever facing consequences. Short of making outlandish claims or threatening the authorities with harm, the world of free speech is a warm cement bath from which no escape is possible. Our founding fathers didn't think that one out, but what can you do about it? The lesson is a simple one, wrap yourself in the Constitution, then you can act offended when someone calls out your ignorant concepts. That's not only the American way; it's the red state way.

Opinions are great. Disagreement, well that's the American way. Following the terrorist attacks of 9/11, Toby managed to summon his inner racist and write that gem of dissent entitled "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue". It was a patriotic quip and frankly cemented forever his ignorance to all things foreign. Anyway, it turns out the song is a reflection of his father's patriotism and anyone who disagrees with it is probably sleeping with the enemy. I'm looking at you, Dixie Chicks. Toby Keith decided he didn't want to attend an ABC concert special when the host of that event, Peter Jennings, a dirty freaking Canadian, asked him to soften the lyrics. That's censorship and damn it all not American. Therefore, Toby Keith, that blind jingoist, took his song and went on the road playing for the beer-swigging masses.

Alas, for the most part, Toby Keith is a walking contradiction. Here's the problem that I see here. You can't write a song about sending people off to war and then claim you don't like war. It doesn't work that way, it frankly doesn't make any sense. What really doesn't make sense is that he has the gall to call himself a Democrat. Furthermore, anyone who calls his music the theme of the ignorant is going to receive a dose of realism. His 2003 release of the song entitled "I Love This Bar", shows that, beneath the exterior of every patriot, a raging alcoholic lives. That raging alcoholic is also tone deaf and makes Johnny Cash spin in his grave.

Love him or hate him, Toby is a representation that words without thought often lead to a world wrapped in hilarious contradictions. Country music remains the theme to the ignorant backwoods thoughts that lead to segregation and the rest of us are wondering when the boat from crazy island leaves port. The next stop is the gloriously simplistic Canada, home of the greatest man who ever told Toby Keith to shut up, Peter Jennings. They have universal health care I hear, freaking communist.

Great Words From Great Americans
"You know, I'm pro-troops, but not pro-war" -Toby Keith

Stevehen J. Warren was born in America. He knows people. American people. You should contact him if you are an American. Or if you aren't an America, but have ever met one.
He writes just to spite you.


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