My community

Again, my online diary is not the place for polemics; it is a chronicle of my thoughts and experiences for posterity. I indulge a fantasy that some of these entries will one day prove evidential for biographers or historical analyses after I am no longer around to give testimony. As I've said, it is beyond my capabilities or desires to convince someone who does not believe as I do or encourage one who does.

That said, the personal is political. My life and love have become an act that ostensibly requires a flurry of executive orders from a man who said he would be a dictator on day one and has proved it many times over. Trump rapidly puts into policy--into black and white with no nuance--that my friends and family, that my spouse, lack "honesty, humility, [...] and integrity" for who they love or are. This from a man who pled bone spurs rather than being drafted, who lies so much that fact-checkers lose count, who cheated on his pregnant wife with an adult actress, who was civilly ruled to have committed a sexual assault (and boasted of these, so why this was a surprise is beyond me). He demands loyalty pledges from members of the government. Not to the Constitution or the country, but the "MAGA agenda," eerily similar to the Heritage Foundations' Project 2025, which Trump swore he had never read but can parrot. Elon Musk did a Nazi salute--and even his defenders refuse to reenact this "innocent, awkward" gesture anywhere they can be recorded.

Germany won't show his salute; Nazi material is banned because of the Holocaust, which Musk told their far-right party, AfD, that Germany should stop feeling guilty about. Then he made a bunch of Nazi puns. The ADL hand waved the "awkward gesture in a moment of enthusiasm" and gave the lightest fingerwag to the latter--that he is pro-Israel and, more importantly, anti-Palestine surely plays no part. Of course, Musk threatened to sue a pro-Israel group a year and a half ago since he believed they were impeding advertising on Twitter.

Trump demanded a pastor be deported for preaching Christ's message and asking him to his face to be merciful. She is from New Jersey, so deportation to Newark. Some might consider that a punishment.

Anyone can look these stories up. Anyone can make a list of the horrors with which Trump floods the zone, each of which would be disqualifying to another politician. That's not the point of this.

I am frightened for my community. This week, a couple of Trump voters I know have expressed shock (though they still maintain that Harris was the worst choice). Trump said he would do whatever he wanted after he was reelected, emboldened by all the ways he got away with crimes. He was either going to end up in the White House or prison. There wasn't a third option. Once he was reelected, almost every charge against him was dropped, either from decorum or fear.

He gloated how much he was making off his meme coin. Imagine any other politician doing that. Whenever someone on the right says we are exaggerating Trump's actions, I ask them to think about what they would do if Obama had done this. They dislike this hypothetical, as impeachment might be the only non-fatal punishment that would come to their mind.

Some--even people I know, even those who love them in specific--hate trans people enough that they will make them scapegoats that allow Trump to rip through the Constitution. They are told this group is the enemy, so they will snarl. The number of trans athletes in high schools must number in the mid-two digits, but these are the fulcrum on which the right conquers elections. (They are also none too fond of Black people and legal migrants. Don't get them started on products with rainbows and any designated history month that isn't Italian or Irish.)

I say to Amber, my nonbinary spouse the president wants eliminated, that I will struggle not to turn our biweekly queer board game night into group therapy. We need the escape of Mysterium and Unspeakable Words more than verbal doom scrolling. Our commiseration would become immiseration, and I do not want to taint this bastion.

I uninstall Meta apps from my devices, as Zuckerberg makes clear he is executing Trump's agenda, including specifically allowing abuse against queer people. I escaped Twitter months ago and have not missed it. It is not lost on me that social avenues must be sacrificed if I am not materially contributing to the oppression of people I love. Someone once said they do not care that Chick-fil-A marinates the chicken in pickle brine. It cannot possibly taste better than protecting their loved ones. (Chick-fil-A has backed off from funding anti-LGBTQ groups in the last decade, but the taste lingers.)

So many roll over to Trump at once, genuinely startling me. When has history rewarded capitulation? But business after business stops long-held policies because they don't want to get the Trumpers mad. Acknowledging women, racial and sexual minorities, and the disabled have contributed to society becomes poison.

Trump pardons cop-killers and terrorists--who the right would accurately label traitors otherwise--to make clear there are no crimes if they are done in his honor. (There were terrorists adjudicated as such, like Proud Boy leader Enrique Tarrio; this is not hyperbole.) If you disagree with Trump, there are no rights he will allow. From the First Amendment on, Trump opposes anything that might mean someone insults him with the truth.

It has been one week.

Amber and I have bought a home. We are invested in our community, and I want to believe they would fight for us. None of our local businesses are taking down American flags to replace them with Trump ones--though houses on my commute did. Their loyalties are plain, as much as they might say they are patriots. They are like the supposed Christians calling a pastor the devil for sounding more Christ-like than any Evangelical in the public eye, whispering in Trump's ear.

I know Patriot Front has visited my neighborhood. I have seen Confederate flags waving beside Trump ones. I encountered a woman decrying a Black Lives Matter sticker in the window of a business, assuring us that "those people" will be "gone" now that Trump is in office again.

I worry some church near me or erstwhile welcoming store will fall to Trump, the first domino knocking down others. I hope none will give in, but I cannot trust it. My town survived the first four years--though some of those were spent locked down because COVID was allowed to rage--but these feel more dire. In a week, Trump has made explicit he will no longer pretend to care. He sees he has nothing to lose, and no one is interested in earning his ire by trying the claim. He has eliminated anyone charged to investigate his crimes, as they were "disloyal" for doing their jobs.

I am friendly with a man who watches OANN and Fox News whenever he is not prepping for classes. He is archly-conservative, informed by his Catholicism, and will become flustered and leave the room if the conversation ever becomes political. I do not believe he would allow a trans person to come to harm or concretely feels we may have too much diversity in American life. I wouldn't assume such generosity in his other opinion, only that I know someone could vote for Trump and still be compassionate. Others at my job who boast of loving Trump are unsubtle with their racism, sexism, and queerphobia, but not the Catholic coworker. He confines his worship away from heretical idolatry.

I do not understand worshiping a politician. They are public servants. When they no longer serve the public, we hold them accountable. That's the deal. Obama was weak on gay rights at first, and I was happy to call him out until he wised up. Biden was... well, we saw what Biden was, and I didn't hesitate to point out that he was not doing all he could and that being opposed to Trump wasn't enough. I'm not a fan of the escalating drone warfare of civilian targets, which all presidents have seemed to like. The treatment of migrants under Obama and Biden was just as horrific as under Trump, and Obama failed to fulfill his promise of closing Guantanamo, which I am sure Trump will enjoy now. If you cannot or will not criticize "your" president, you are missing the point of this governmental system.

I've seen enough people say, "My party, right or wrong," which seems among the least patriotic things one can do. You fight when the president, especially the one who earned your vote, is breaking their campaign promises. You don't cheer louder in your matching t-shirt and hat. They don't get to tell you what this country is. You tell them. If they don't listen, you vote them out.

(Was there a proliferation of Obama hats? Biden? Clinton? Bush? Reagan? Carter? How many of them had flags that supplanted the stars and stripes?)

An argument is, as a straight, white, middle-class cis man, I won't feel the difference. (My greatest love abandoned gender, so I find some of those adjectives fuzzy.) My closest friends are more queer than not--though there is perhaps a want of racial diversity among my inner circle. I could pass as a member of the ravening mob with a little focus, a flannel shirt, and a red hat. I won't, because I am concerned with more than myself, which is antithetical to Trump.

Both parties cower before Trump. Republicans will compromise themselves utterly to remain in his favor. Democrats seem only to understand fundraising emails with Resist! in the subject lines (aside from AOC and Bernie Sanders, but they would be the ones with backbones).

I joked to Amber that America's best hope is a bit of Big Mac grease finding its way to Trump's carotid. A quick, painless, slightly funny death that was entirely his fault--I would never want him harmed, as that would make him more of a martyr. I prefer the least amount of murder possible in any circumstance. He could follow in Zachary Taylor's footsteps, substituting fast food for green apples and cherries. (Though Taylor died with honor and selflessness despite the fatal gastric distress. Trump will die one day, but he will not have a respectful, reflective final moment surrounded by loved ones.) Then, we can deal with President Vance, who at least understands how to play with others.

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe Vance would try to be Trump to remain in power, but the Republicans would not accept it and do not want another Trump with his loafer on their throats. They might embrace Vance as a way to restore their party to what it was before Trump, which might not be enough since Trump couldn't have existed if elements of the party hadn't encouraged it. Of course, the DNC meant Trump to be the pied piper candidate to drive the Republicans to right-wing extremism and allow Hillary Clinton's coronation--this is on record. However, the leaked emails preferred "election" to "coronation." The only way Trump is bipartisan is how both parties made this monster.

I want a government I do not have to think about daily, one that works quietly. Trump needs to be in the daily news. If publication had not given him exponentially more coverage in 2016 because a clown is good ratings and the DNC encouraged it, we might not be here now.

Trump advocates forcibly moving (ethnically cleansing) Gaza so he can make the "Riviera of the Middle East" after he razes the area. These were his words. He suggests a crime against humanity--though these are not in short supply in the area--because he is a real estate guy with absolutely no respect for human life. (If you are a supporter, can you honestly suggest he cares about people? Really? People who are not actively flattering him on their bellies or despots he admires? He holds you in only slightly less contempt than he does me.)

Elon Musk commits a coup, having college students lock workers out of and infiltrate important government systems, including the Treasury. Most Democratic politicians only talk about it as an unprecedented violation of norms, but they keep to the norm of thinking they can scold atrocities; they will not fight back. Even about Trump's desire for genocide, they say to pick their battles and let the Palestinians be eliminated so they can save their energy to fight a different battle. They are unclear what this battle might be, but it is unlikely to be won by wearing kente cloth while kneeling or listening to the cast of Hamilton.

There is the persistent trope that every accusation on the right is a confession; thus, many of the justified words for this situation (coup, corruption, graft, impeach, fascist, arrest, criminal, etc.) are beyond threadbare from having been shouted by Marjorie Taylor Greene at Obama's Hawaiian birth certificate. An objective statement of what we are seeing becomes a thought-terminating cliche because extremists have gone out of their way to make the words meaningless. (The toothless center-right Democrats have done nothing to emphasize their accurate definitions, but they'll sure give Trump a nasty glare as they bow to him, as long as he doesn't notice.)

This is not an abstraction. Trump wants unquestioned authority--that is not up for debate--and has no respect for the balance of powers. He issues executive orders at a staggering pace. He tries to erase or obscure the history that doesn't fit his agenda. People who could jam his gears are milquetoast mice who would have preemptively handed the Nazis the exact location of every Jew in an attic so they didn't get on Fuhrer's bad side.

If you think the Nazi analogy is extreme--it is among those overplayed cliches, as everyone and everything has been called a Nazi by both parties--ask yourself what you would have done if Biden invited Bill Gates up to the dais to throw that salute behind the presidential seal, then do the same now. Tell me that the Democrats aren't taking hints from Vichy France without being asked. One man, Mitch McConnell, stymied much of Obama's policies, and the Democrats want to tell us they are plum out of ideas at stopping Trump's worst impulses?

Trump is not going to stop or even slow. He is not going to moderate. Why would he without effective opposition? He is a born bully, and they don't respect "Yes, sir. Whatever you say, sir. Would you like me to give myself a wedgie, sir? Here's my lunch money, so you don't have to go to the trouble of asking." He told you what he was; it was not a benevolent leader who loved America. You didn't believe him, or you wanted to believe him. Either way, you did it at the cost of people I love, and I cannot forgive that unless you fight back now that you see the truth.

last watched: Preacher
reading: Authors of the Impossible