A young woman behind me at the Yule party is telling a roomful of adults twice to thrice her age how she intends to go to Japan, uncertified and ignorant of teaching in order to get experience teaching "everything." She makes clear that she believes this means she will return to the States fully certified in "kindergarten to twelfth and special education."

Having worked in the educational world since 2005, I know this is patently false. I don't say anything to her. This is the experience she has chosen, the path she is now on. No amount of scolding and fact citation by a stranger at a party is going to do anything other than make her anxious and defensive. More than that, she asks only for a generalized cooing at her clever quirkiness, not my opinion. There is no need for me to interfere, since the Fates are guiding her course now. She will figure out the truth soon enough and will have quite the adventure under her belt in the meantime.

I have recently reconnected with Hannah, who left the Hudson Valley in order to join the Navy. At the time, I was not shy about calling this madness because it was far from something she should have done by virtue of the fact that I never would. The Navy represented something improbable and outside the box, but what choice did she have? The Hudson Valley was stagnancy, a revving in neutral for someone who could go far. The Navy showed her parts of the world outside the possibilities otherwise presented to her. She found a different life, likely better than she would have here, living with Daniel, working jobs she hated, and plumbing the depths of OkCupid for erotic entertainment. She took a braver, riskier, choice and is now a married woman with cats and great resume fodder. I resisted her choice because I knew it would end our close friendship and alter someone on whom I emotionally depended, but it was the right choice for her without question.

I have long abdicated the interference into the lives of other, at least directly. I will offer a rope out of a pit, but I do not guilt someone for finding themselves trapped. I managed to dig my way out of my pit. As I did, as I have a more solid grip on solid land, I owe it to those I can help to do so without strings of judgment.

Hannah mentions in her letters how she was worried about me when she left. She recognized in Melanie too much of herself for us to end up with a happy ending. I was laid off with nearly no financial reserves and my prospects seemed poor. I reacted too much, which retarded my ability to plan. I understand why she would fear for me and am genuinely proud and a bit triumphant that Hannah's letter reached a growing man instead of a reactionary boy. I would have worried about him and perhaps I still do. When encountering good people in bad situations, maybe I still hear his calls to the crisis hotlines and do for others what I wish someone could have done for him. I have far more resources at my disposal now, emotionally and financially. I cannot save others, but I can keep them afloat and alive long enough for situations to change. I know I have allowed Amber to focus on doing what feeds her soul-art, gardening-because she knows we will not have to struggle to feed our stomachs. That is the real point of working: to save others whenever possible.

Soon in Xenology: New Years

last watched: The Shining
reading: The Time Traveler's Wife
listening: Mindy Gledhill

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