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Her boss kept her at work until half an hour after the reservations. Then her parents would not allow her to venture out to see me owing to the slippery roads. We ended up having a small fight because I was disappointed and she was upset she couldn't see me.
This is not how I remember it, in that I do not remember this at all. The fatal phone call may have only been a bump in the road, though it does seem that your affair was destined to end this way.
Still, if her boss hadn't kept her late and the roads were clear, I can't promise that this story ends so quickly. If you two could have met in person, there would have been a chance of something worth your detailing.
I remember her living a fifteen-minute drive from you at the most. You could have made this work without too much effort, but any pushiness might have put her off, skittish dear that she was.
I am very sad about this. However, I am in no way mad at her, of course. I care deeply for her, she is an amazing person (whether she knows that or not. If she doesn't, I'll remind her). I will not lament (umm... much). I will survive (Cue the Gloria Gaynor!).
This is a positive attitude to have if nothing else. You tried. Life got in the way, and you did not connect as you might have. It happens.
She said that she was too shallow. She intimated that I was too old (not chronologically, psychoemotionally). That we were on different levels.
She's a smart girl, except about being shallow. She has accurate insight, which contradicts her self-deprecation. Perhaps she said this so she could hear you again praise her depth.
Allow me to do it once more from decades later: Eileen seemed to be an intricate, passionate, intelligent young woman, and whoever did get her affection had better have appreciated it.
She is very much still the same person and I think she is wonderful. Of course, I shall cease to fawn on her.
Openly fawn on her, at least. I think you finally let her go and did not guilt her for her conclusion to this entanglement.
Not that I am not content to be by myself. I am not a co-dependant freak.
I don't think you are content to be by yourself, or you wouldn't be so fixated on falling in love and women -- which isn't meant to imply that what occurred between Eileen and you was other than honest and justified. You genuinely adored her and would not have regretted a relationship with her.
You have attachment issues, as I've mentioned. Not codependent, per se, but not independent.
I just meant, I know quite a few (like the vast majority of my alleged peer group) that see anonymous "hooking-up" as a path to enlightenment. Actually, they are not even seeking anything vaguely life enlightenment.
Stop being condescending. You make this show of respecting other people's spiritual paths -- you certainly believe yours is bespoke -- but you get so Puritanical because other people like sex without a long-term commitment.
Also, I am 80% sure you are referring to Kate and her friends, which is also snide. These are not charming qualities to have. You should not be as proud as you are about this.
Rooting about in the metaphorical mud barely qualifies as human living.
My gods, can you be a jerk. People are barely human because they like diverse sex more than relationships? You are friends with people who hook up.
Do you call Melissa subhuman? Absolutely not.
I would rather celibate for years rather than engaging in the conjoining of souls I consider sex with someone I was not shockingly in love with. In fact, that is where I feel I am headed. Some idiotic romantic who will not uncross his legs (okay, this works a lot better with females. Go with it. Suspend your disbelief.) for years in hopes he shall again be with someone he finds amazing.
You are an idiot. I wish you understood that. You are a pompous, arrogant bastard for this. Since you are so up your ass when it comes to sex, you assume backward that someone having sex with you means that the two of you should be deeply in love.
When someone does press you into sex, you don't love her. You felt violated and hated yourself the next day -- hate her for putting you in that position -- but you slept with her because she was your girlfriend, and she insisted after at least a month of sleepovers without vaginal penetration. You let yourself be abused because you are so self-righteous.
You talk about saving yourself for someone you love, but you throw yourself away because you take sex so seriously.
Also, don't call women "females." I know you don't mean harm, but it is dehumanizing.
I have no quarrel with premarital sex. I try my damnedest not to be a hypocrite as I have engaged in it, reveled it, craved it, let it swallow me whole. It is emotionless... no, loveless sex I am opposed to.
No one cares what you think. Their sex isn't always loveless, just not forever. You have had passionate, nonsexual friendships that lasted for a month, but the connections are no less valuable because they were not until your dying breath.
people are actually PROUD to say they have been fucked. I would shatter if I tried.
How do you know? You might have gotten over yourself if you had a fling. Seriously, your hand slipped in many panties. You didn't think much of that. How can you visit third base with women you dated for less than a day and sneer at those snuggling at home base with a close friend?
It can be the most intense spiritual experience of one's life. Or it can be a weapon used to degrade and destroy. Kill the soul and with it the body (STDs affect quite a few of my peers).
Do you think everyone is looking for communion when they slip off their underclothes? Do you think someone who followed a flirty stranger home from the bar necessarily feels degraded the following morning? Again, you are close with people who are less precious about sex. It does not destroy them, and you don't think less of them. You are merely looking for an excuse not to have sex and coming off as an asshole in the process.
Also, you had one friend with an STD. She was also a stripper with loose boundaries toward her customers. (She is not a close friend.) I don't think even Melissa got an STD, and she was far from careful when it came to sex.
Am I so wrong to want to live, thrive?
You are cutting off avenues of life for no real reason. You are severely limiting your experience and will, years later, regret the opportunities you passed up because they might have saved you from harmful experiences.
Having sex with women you wanted would have saved you from having it with those you don't.