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01.07.01 11:14 p.m.

"The heart can freeze
or it can burn
The pain will ease
if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last."


 -Jonathan Larson 



NOTE: This entry was created on 3/17/01 from a letter written to Dave.
My break has been pretty boring so far. It still has a little bit of time to pick up though.
I realize now I should have done something more adventurous than working at the library. Oh, well.
I plan on making up for it by trying to work at one of the state parks during the summer (I've never been off this coast, I need to travel).
So, Kate is currently in London, watching as many plays as she can for free and getting three credits. This is one of the reasons I wish I had realized I wanted to travel sooner. Not so much because Kate is there (though that certainly helps) but that she is having a potentially amazing experience.
I am very green with envy and blue with longing. Kind of an aqua, overall.
I told Katie about a month ago that I had found someone who could make me happy (after the break up, she told me she wanted me to find someone who mad me very happy). She guessed a recent acquaintance of mine and I quietly informed her that, no, it was Kate. She made me happy. And I had no interest in dating anyone else, because I had tried it and realized how empty I find dating. She hugged me and cried. It was a very tearful situation. I said something like that I knew what my truth was and I was sorry that her truth was not the same as mine, but I understood.
After this, she became very warm and friendly to me. We were having great conversations about everything and seemed very fond of one another. I was getting hopeful.
Right now, I am trying to deal with all of this. I set my watch to Greenwich Mean Time. It seemed like an appropriate gesture, since part of me is with her. Whenever I look down at my watch, I envision what she is doing.
In an affectionate way, not an obsessive way. At least, I don't think it is obsessive, as I don't stare at it, just glance at it as I would normally and remember that she is living in a day six hours ahead of me. IN THE LAND WHERE TIME BEGINS!


reading: The Weekly World News
listening: the ticking of my watch
wanting:
to be able to teleport
interesting thought: The world is so created so that we may learn.

Thomm Quackenbush is an author and teacher in the Hudson Valley. Double Dragon publishes four novels in his Night's Dream series (We Shadows, Danse Macabre, and Artificial Gods, and Flies to Wanton Boys). He has sold jewelry in Victorian England, confused children as a mad scientist, filed away more books than anyone has ever read, and tried to inspire the learning disabled and gifted. He is capable of crossing one eye, raising one eyebrow, and once accidentally groped a ghost. When not writing, he can be found biking, hiking the Adirondacks, grazing on snacks at art openings, and keeping a straight face when listening to people tell him they are in touch with 164 species of interstellar beings. He likes when you comment.



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