-Paul Twitchell 

NOTE: This entry was created on 3/17/01 from a letter written to Conor.
Here is new information which I have obtained straight from the Kate. She does truly love and care for me and knows that her friends have been saying jerky things to me, unbidden. Basically, how she feels about me as a person has not changed. I asked her if she didn't feel "it" for me. She responded, and I quote, "I do not NOT feel it for you. Both nots are intended." In her head, she needs space from the binds of a relationship. Not so that she can get wild and party. She told me that she does not wish to drink beer and if she wanted to be with a guy, she would not have left me. And, after an explanation on my part that I did not wish to be with anyone else and I was perfectly happy being single and still fawning on her, she pretty much has no problem with my behaving toward her, verbally and emotionally, as I always have.
I worry that, when I see her, I shall weep and beg her lips. For the moment, I am honestly very good. Today someone asked me how I was and I replied without thinking, "Drinking deep the cup of life." That's how I feel. Kate is not with me, yet the world is still shockingly beautiful and I enjoy my life. Which isn't to say that I do not want her back and would not cross mountains just to hold her next to me all night. I am very happy with myself and it does give me pleasure to be filled with love for someone who loves me back, even if I cannot be with her at the moment. I expect you understand all of this.