ll I want to do is run away and stop being this good daughter... And I'm getting the keyboard all wet. I am so angry and feel so taken advantage of, even though I guess I'm just pulling my weight in the family all of a sudden. My mom asked me last night how I was doing, well kinda she mostly told me that I wasn't interested enough in how she was doing... And she said when people ask her how I'm doing she says she doesn't know because I'm so hard to read, and I like it that way. I want to not tell anyone anything and not have to share this at all with anyone because I don't want his or her pity. I don't want glances in my direction when I'm not looking and I want to be a hermit like I usually am emotionally, but at the same time all I want right now is someone else to take care of me, not my taking care of anyone else. And I'm so angry.... So irrationally angry and why is no one home to help me?? I feel overwhelmed by the world right now I wish I could just part company with reality for a moment just to reconnect with something.... though I don't know what.

I think I'll go work out because I don't know what else to do. I'm pulling towards people and pushing as hard as I can to get them all to leave me alone in my room.. I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I'm so scared of sending this letter. I don't want to ask for help from anyone. And it feels like by telling people all this I'm leaving myself completely open to whatever is given back, and I want to stuff this all back where it came from and I can't.

I guess I'm sending this. I guess I'm leaning on you, but what if you fall over? What if no one can handle the weight of my fear and my upset? I don't know. I'm going to wash my face and go food shopping for my parents.

Thanks for "listening."