UFOs, or Unidentified Flying Objects, are a common enough sight in the night sky that several thousands of pictures and, more recently videos, of them. They are known by any number of other names, such as foo fighters, flying saucers, and Transient Luminescent Phenomena. While the latter is perhaps a more accurate description, it is too sterile to capture the imagination of most researchers and seems confine to a doctor of geology studying Pine Bush, NY. The intention of this article is not to prove or disprove the reality of these phenomena. As with all articles found in The Oz Factor, the concern is only with presenting the facts behind a commonly perceived experience and suggesting precautions. UFOs, as we will call them for the purpose of this article for the sake of ease and common appeal, are any object or set of object that is spotted in the sky and is not a known craft, animal, or natural phenomena (most turn out to be precisely these). They are no standard shape, but instead seem to vary as fashion demands. The inversed saucers of the 1950's have long since given way to triangle. Anyone who is anyone sees triangle now. These ships canter and hover in the night sky, largely above rural settings. Few are seen during the day. Fewer still are seen over cities (at least American cities, it seems. Mexican and European cities seem fair game.) Exceedingly rarely, these objects are seen on the ground. Occasionally, it is reported that the objects seem aware of humans and will react to being seen. Some of these sightings also feature the ships reacting playfully to the thoughts of people below.

They purportedly most common theory behind these objects is that they are super technological crafts operated by intelligent species from another galaxy, as farfetched as that may sound. This, of course, brings in the question of the occupants of these crafts and their purpose, which is covered in the section on aliens. This theory has its appeal. I a species from another galaxy were to find its way here, it would be in a ship composed of technologies well beyond our conceiving. People who have encountered these ships closely do report seeing things of a technological nature such as machinery or seams. Additionally, witnesses report seeing entities emerge from these objects or return to them. Some professional witnesses, albeit easily debunked ones, report having looked in through portholes and seen the beings working within. It cannot be discounted that many people encountering these ships up close come to suffer from radiation burns and readings taken from Geiger counters occasionally verify that something quite radioactive had been nearby. Radiation is science and we like science. It's explicable.

However, the technology required to travel even from the most habitable star system stretched not only our comprehension, but the very laws of physics which we have to put a degree of faith in. They are laws, after all. Even if you were of a species capable of interstellar travel and willing to forsake what could be decades or centuries to the effort, do you waste your time buzzing yokels and dismembering cows? Isn't your mission going to be slightly more pressing and important than wandering around and mining tungsten from upstate New York? If stealth is of the essence, why be so terribly obvious to some while completely ignoring others? Too many unanswered questions arise from this theory. A partial answer to this is the idea that UFOs are not from space, but are rather the ships of extra dimensional or time travelers. This would readily account for why the ships seem to vanish at a moments' notice (not merely turn off their lights so they are dark against the surrounded sky. Oh no, the aliens are too swarthy for that. they literally vanish). It would allow them to still be technology beyond our reckoning and take that pesky "space" aspect out of the equation. It would also quickly account for the fact that UFOs are supposedly seen throughout time and why they tend to flare up around world events of some significance.

Yet, if they are time travels, they are doing a piss poor job of not influencing the time stream. If I can buy a gumball with your face on it, you have failed at the art of remaining hidden.

Another theory states that UFOs are, themselves, living organisms. No, really, there are people who think this. The evidence for this theory? I believe because they can snake about in the sky like absolutely no living being we have ever seen or are ever likely to.

The facts opposing this theory are manifold and not easily dismissed. It doesn't even begin to explain technological questions, nor have human being ever encountered an even slightly similar species or means of organic propulsion. The most comfortable theory for skeptics who still believe this whole issue is not just a massive hoax that has been going on for between fifty and five thousand years is that UFOs are the product of some heretofore unknown natural phenomena, the reflection of swamp gas off Venus. UFOs are often supposedly spotted in areas that boast geographical anomalies or stresses (California, I am looking your way).

Again, this does little to address those who purport that UFOs operate by some form of logic and awareness and/or are technological in appearance.

My personal advice as to dealing with UFOs, should you find them pesky enough, is first not to approach them. I know that this is not the sort of advice that would likely be followed. If you were privy to invaders from space (or benighted transdimensional earthworms or what have you), you would very likely decide to investigate further. Such information could be worth a lot of money if you managed to secure evidence. However, no matter how little you choose to believe in the object before you, the fact remains that people have suffered from radiation poisoning/burns. Try to take pictures from afar, if you can, though anecdotal (by which I mean crazy) reports suggest UFO occupants can selectively alter the emulation of the film in your camera or the memory card of your digital camera.

Also, in case this was not obvious, UFOs are reported in conjunction with aliens. That is a whole new set of problems. It's a lot easier to intellectualize fighting of a large craft than many small beings.

UFO reports also come along with animal mutilations or abductions. Do not trust that the UFO understands the difference between your wife and a cow. Few of us do.

Please do not shoot at the object. Sure, you might get a better picture, but you also might be sodomized by a metal probe.