Introductions
-noun
- a great or complete devastation or destruction of unhappiness esp. by laughing out loud.
- any systematic destruction of pre-existing linguistic forms through the use of internet jargon with reckless abandonment.
Related forms:
LOLita, one hundred years of LOLitude, LOLiday,
LOL: [lol]
-undefinable
- to laugh out loud. (not lots of love)
- severely critical or sarcastic.
- capable of burning.
Getting to know you. Getting to know all about you.
I live, like Shrek, in a swamp at the bottom of a hill. Though a quiet house, it is one of the more lively ones on the street, as my neighbors happen to be dead. That's because my house is next to a morgue. They are considerably less lively, however, then the mental institution patients that live on the other side of the street. In essence, if we're talking about vivacity, it looks something like one of those 4th grade math problems. Mental Patients > My House > Morgue. It's not exactly a Monopoly hotel sort of street, but its home, and I love it. Who am I, then? Well I am a man stuck somewhere in the middle, trying to make sense of, well, anything, but really all together not that fussed about it all. I'm in my twenties, but since your thirties are the new twenties, I'm roughly eleven. Which, of course, does not help when you're applying for jobs. Employers look at me and I watch them do the math as they realize I was probably still shitting myself in the early nineties, where I was, of course, thanks to this new age system, still two zygotes. I recently graduated from university with a degree in English and Film, which is more like saying I got a degree in pretty pictures and feelings. An altogether brilliant use of four years, it has prepared me for the current world in about zero ways. I still struggle to balance my checkbook as I feel. Money > Me > Nothing should be accepted by my bank. But self-pity and the fear that I will end up zombified end here. I have begun a quest to discover the elusive and yet fabled job where one likes what one does and gets paid for it. It sounds a bit like being a whore and only sleeping with STD-free, attractive people who give gifts to their partners. If that's my calling, so be it. At least I can think about Jim Jarmush as I blow strangers.
Richard N. likely does not approve of the title of this column. He wanted it to read "Lolocaust Diaries" but Xen's typo made it much funnier. He will continue to write about the sadness of life, whether his or those found on YouTube.
If you want it, then you better put a ring on it.
