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12.04.00 2:25 a.m.

"It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."


  -Anne Frank 


Created on 3/20/01 from a letter written to Amanda.
My day was largely uneventful. I exercised to the first CD of Rent. My muscles shall be mighty sore tomorrow, but at least I shall be in good shape to deal with ghosts and Amandas. And, in theory, I shall get strong, healthy, and slim. In theory. Just like communism and the Electoral College work. In theory.
But, while my day was uneventful, my night was not. Miss Kate invited me to New Paltz to watch puppets. Let me tell you, if there were puppets, I missed them. It was ridiculous performance art (I tend to have an "Emperor's New Clothes" feeling about performance art). A woman read aloud an article from The Onion (America's Finest News Source) and claimed it was true and that we should all scorn it. Blarg!
Then Kate took me to her friends' house up the street and made me feel guilty about crying with/to/on her yesterday. I feel that is unjustified. I would be honored if Xen were to cry on me, despite the fact that I am he. He's an honest boy, you understand, but he chooses his confidences well.
I would not have ever had the same conversation with, say, Alison than I would have with Kate. Very different friends who offer me very different friendships. I'm sure you understand.
I am trying to cope further with the Kate situation so that I can someday actually want to be with someone who is not her. It's not working very well, no matter how she makes me cry.
I tried to just "date" with girl Amanda. And I had a lot of fun with her, when she was not trying to "date" me. Especially the freezing together and playing on large stone chess boards. But I don't dare burden her with me until I have worked through all of this fully.
Even then, I am not sure she would be the one I'd burden...


reading: my palm.
listening: Sarahwanting: to be a knight instead of a pawn
interesting thought: That a romantic would fear love so much.

Thomm Quackenbush is an author and teacher in the Hudson Valley. Double Dragon publishes four novels in his Night's Dream series (We Shadows, Danse Macabre, and Artificial Gods, and Flies to Wanton Boys). He has sold jewelry in Victorian England, confused children as a mad scientist, filed away more books than anyone has ever read, and tried to inspire the learning disabled and gifted. He is capable of crossing one eye, raising one eyebrow, and once accidentally groped a ghost. When not writing, he can be found biking, hiking the Adirondacks, grazing on snacks at art openings, and keeping a straight face when listening to people tell him they are in touch with 164 species of interstellar beings. He likes when you comment.



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