http://www.xenex.org

11.19.00 11:27 a.m.

"To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can have."


  -Terence Hanbury White 


Created on 3/21/01 from a letter written to Zan.
I need to have adventures. Be spontaneous (less the fact that I am trying to plan said spontaneity). Suck marrow from life.
Sorry, I'm in an odd mood and Zan's appearance at the Cubbyhole last night after being gone for years struck me as a kind glancing blow from Fate's hand. Recently I have seen the need to deify Fate, thus the capital.
For the most part, I felt Fate was being intentionally cruel to me for the sheer amusement value. Horrible thing to think, I grant you that, but it went a long way toward explaining some of the situations I found myself in. For example, I was taking a trip to Red Hook for visit a songstress platonic lover of mine, whom I had not see for years owing to the fact that I got it in my head that Red Hook was at least two hours from me. So I was driving up there, first time ever. Rather enthralled with the mere idea that I would soon be in the presence of Sarah. So, I drove. On Route 9, just after I passed into Rhinebeck, my car ceased to accelerate. I had no experience with what to do, so I pulled over. My car absolutely refused to move. I was stranded in a strange place with no help. Then I looked to my right and found that my car had died... right in front of a car repair shop. They confirmed that the car would go no further because the timing belt had met its fatal time. So, someone/something didn't want me to get to Sarah, but it also didn't want me completely screwed. Thus, Fate.
But now Fate has decided to cease anally raping me, evidently. Good for me. This entry got rather longwinded, I do hope you don't mind. I'm in a talkative mood right now and you shall bear the brunt of my loquaciousness.
In addition and to my occasional dismay, I am single. I truly have not been single for this long in maybe three or four years, not to make myself seem like a slut. I've just had two very long relationships. But I think I am growing increasing happy with my lack of plurality. I'm just waiting, patiently, for someone who is my romantic equal. I'm sure you know what I mean. I'm generally rather content with my life anyway, I think the world around me is a shockingly beautiful place (if a bit cold at the moment.) Especially as I am no longer a Communications major, but still have the eyes of one. I need interaction with a femme as beautiful as a snowflake, else I shall be forced to be Don Diego Vega rather than Zorro.


reading: The Mark of Zorro, Jonston McCully
listening: the footsteps of Fatewanting: To have my Lolita (From McCully, not Nabokov)
interesting thought: Some girls melt far quicker than snowflakes.

Xen is published by Cave Drawing Ink in "Rise of the Outlanders!", is the author of "Beside the Still Water", and head writer in the forthcoming "Parallaxis". He was featured in the Summer 2010 issue of Broken City Magazine. His story "Always Darkest" published in Paragon III. The first novel of his Night's Dream Series, We Shadows is available from Double Dragon Publishing. He syndicated throughout the internet. He will write for you if you pay him. He likes when you comment.