Queering the Bible Argument
Gay Marriage is again in the spot light due to Bush's request to amend the constitution to state that marriage is only a man and a woman. I wrote something on this topic before that stated that I would not defend gay marriage but I would urge everyone who is against it to come out of the closet and admit they are bigots. I stand by the coming out of the closet thing but I have gotten so heated by the topic I am now going to defend gay marriage, and I will defend it with every ounce of my being.
Bush wants to mock our Constitution by adding a horribly wrong amendment to it that denies equal rights to Americans. I thought the Constitution was supposed to give us rights, not take them away? I suppose he got this idea from the Bible. Ahhhh, I love the Bible argument, it is OH SO EASY to argue that one. So Mr. Bush, we should all follow the good ol' Bible eh? And Mr. Bush is right, the Bible does say that a man lying with another man in the same fashion as a woman is wrong and punishable by death (Oh - there's a GREAT idea, let's KILL all the gays) - I would quote the Bible exactly but that page in MY Bible is mysteriously missing- hmmm now where did that go? Now here is an easy point to make, if you wanna go directly from the Bible - Lesbianism is fine. No where in the Bible does it mention anything about that being wrong (See even back in the day they knew lesbian sex was hot) so go forth thy lesbians and multiply by whatever means you choose. Okay I am not even going to try and deny this part of the Bible, yes man lying with man = bad. But, you know what else? Man cutting hair at the sides of his head = bad (Leviticus 19:20 for all of you who want to argue). How about this one - don't approach a woman to have sex with her while she is having her period (Leviticus 18:19), that says approach so even if you had no idea, and you tried to get laid and the girl said "No, I am having my period," you are going to burn in hell for all eternity right after you are cut off from your people and left in the desert to die because the land itself is going to vomit you up (Leviticus 18:29-30 Okay I am going to stop telling you where it is in the Bible now, Just read all of Leviticus and find out how we are all going to hell along with Bushie Jr.). So yeah, have fun with that. All of you that have lifted a finger on Sunday - Burn in Hell. And people please, please, remember to offer up your sacrifices or God is going to be mighty pissed. God have mercy on those of you who have reaped your field to its border! And I can keep going… If you have EVER:
- Let cattle breed with different kinds of cattle
- Planted two different kinds of seeds in the same field (including your garden folks)
- Worn clothes made of two different fabrics (damn those cotton blends)
- Didn't wait five years to eat the fruit from your fruit tree
- Gotten a tattoo
- Misjudged the length of something
- Not killed a Pagan
- Eaten shell fish (Even shrimp)
- Married someone who was not a virgin
- Married outside your own people
I think we're all screwed.
So, if any of ya'll want to use the Bible as an excuse to hate gay people, you damn well better be following that book to the T. If anyone tries to use that Bible excuse on me I will request that you send me the tag of every article of clothing you own and PROVE that none of it has two kinds of fabric. If you're a guy I want a picture of your never trimmed side burns and beard. You can't pick the parts of the Bible that you like and follow just those. I think God would hate you more for mocking his word than just disregarding it all together.
That brings up another point - the Bible was NOT WRITTEN BY GOD. It may have been inspired by God and so on and so forth but there is no denying man wrote it. And man is fallible. If we took the writings of man to be divine then we are breaking that major commandment of taking no false idols, because to be divine, you must be a god. Not that we should take the 10 Commandments as infallible, because Moses was a man. Ahh quite a catch 22 isn't it?
So there - Bible argument totally obliterated.
On to the break down of the moral fabric of our society obviously because if we allow gay marriage, what's to stop us from allowing incest? And bestiality and child molestation? Oh dear Jesus, what ever shall we do because if gay marriage were allowed people would instantly start having sex with their mothers and their dog and their neighbor's kids! Gay Marriage would obviously CREATE horrible human beings who do these horrible things because as it stands now NO ONE has ever committed incest, had sex with an animal, or molested a kid. Oh, wait, wait just one gosh darn second, they have. Fathers have had sex with their daughters, that's incest and child molestation, all rolled into one. But we all know that only gay people who are allowed to marry have sex with animals. Wait, no, that's not true either. We already have people who are gay and people who are sexually perverse (there are straight perverts too ya know). So what would allowing two people to get married change actually? I can't think of one God Damn way Gay Marriage would affect my life. Oh then there is the allowing people to have multiple marriage partners if we legalized gay marriage. Oh no consenting adults living an alternate lifestyle! We should kill them all! Newsflash - if some guy wants to marry 4 chicks and they are okay with that - YOU'RE LIFE WOULDN'T CHANGE AT ALL. So yeah, I am all for gay marriage leading to the legalization of multiple marriage parents (I am such a perverted freak! I should be stoned to death by my whole town!).
All of you anti-gay people are the real perverts. You are unhealthily obsessed with the sex lives of strangers. How about that! How do you like it! I am now officially prejudiced against you people. I am going to write my Senator and beg that we make laws that prevent your kind from reproducing.
But ya see, I would never do that. You have a right to think whatever you want. It's when you start denying rights to others that the Liberals like me get all pissy. We are not trying to deny you anything; why can't you do the same for us?
