From the island country that originated the theory of placing Jedi on your voting card in hopes of making it an actual religion comes some wacky porn. Since the American porn industry ran out of fresh ideas years ago, we turn to our British masters to infuse us with new films to hide from our parents. The result is Witchcraft X and the new belief that some things are just better left to American actors as the British accent while adorable, just makes every scene seem like a PBS travel show. On a side note, the "X" part is a nod to Roman numerals and in no way indicates a marriage of Wicca and Islam. For a film about religious conversion, watch Jason X.
When Interpol catches a warlock, they send word to the LAPD who sends their most obsessed officer over seas to extradite the jerk back to a waiting electric chair in the States. Unfortunately, some vampires free the warlock and a coven of darkness decide to raise a demon and conquer the world. Things don't look very good for the forces of light. Fear not though, Mother Earth has her own protector and she wears a plastic blue dress while moving crap with her mind powers. Using her good magic, she combines forces with Interpol and together they save the world and all manage to get some sexual action.
Were you expecting a masterful story about the differences between good and evil with a compelling range of acting skills? Sorry to disappoint, but Witchcraft X is more about the struggle between my eyes and the processing center in my mind that allows my inner child to ignore the incoming visions of naked horror. Sure, there are naked people, but any nudist colony offers nakedness. Hell, throw a couple of bucks my way and I'll get naked in front of your house, and spurt random nonsensical dialogue. The film itself is like Vietnam. No one went in expecting a fun time, and the survivors ended up going nuts when they came home.
I encourage more Witchcraft movies, not because these films mark any semblance of quality, but eventually they'll run out of ideas and let me write a future porn film. Witchcraft XXIII will defiantly rock the halls of Wicca porn and that, my friend, is that.
Your Moment of Insanity:I serve Satan, the only true master.
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Put the Porn Down and Make Something of Your Life
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