Everybody gets a second chance. Except you. You anger me greatly. Everybody else just consider yourselves on my good list. Since we're good friends and all, maybe someone can explain something to me. What does it mean to snug with someone? Is it a kiss or a frolic naked amongst a cute American movie reviewer? As we ponder this question together, rest assured good things always have a way of coming back in style. An excellent case in point lies right in front of you. Jackie Chan is back. So is Shinobi, but that's another story altogether.
This time around, Jackie plays a no-nonsense cab driver who becomes a chauffeur for a secret agent. After blowing this role, literally, Jackie dons his white master's clothes in order to continue the fight against tyranny. This isn't your everyday suppressor's uniform. It's a tuxedo with remarkable abilities that include granting the wearer karate abilities. The villain of the flick takes the form of a British water executive who's contrived a scheme bent on poisoning the United States water supply. Role-playing as his white lover, Jackie teams up with a CSA operative played by Jennifer Love Hewitt and together wacky misadventures ensue.
Dismissing everything you know about Jackie Chan's previous experience the film still doesn't work out. Don't get me wrong, it looks good, but so do car accidents, especially those accidents involving yours truly. The acting aside, the plot of the film is one of the worst ideas ever pitched. How bad is the plot? Well, if I were in charge, someone would be slapped, hard. It wouldn't be one of those little slaps ether. I'm talking full frontal open fisted backhand number right across your face. This idea is just stupid. Jennifer Love Hewitt acts her way through a laugh-induced fever and manages not to sing us one of her widely known songs. Are we in Japan? Well, everybody has a hit record in Japan.
Incredibly awkward, The Tuxedo strives to achieve some sense of coherency only to fail as the credits begin to appear on screen. Your basic plot less action film about nothing in particular.
Your Moment of Insanity:Can your girlfriend shoot the groin out of a target?
You Should Look Out For:
Did You Know:Jackie Chan did not kill James Brown's career. I think running from the law while high on Jesus did though. Get on up, like a sex machine.
A Stevehenish Tagline:Silly boy, you no shave down there.
Guys in Suits Can Kick My Ass
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