From the country that brought us the Hello Kitty vibrator, the Yatta song, and the endless comical adventures of a hundred foot tall radioactive lizard looking for his parked car in Tokyo; comes the pinnacle of insanity that is know simply as Tomie. What is Tomie you ask; well think of the first time you ever kissed someone. Do you remember that fumbling awkwardness? Now take that feeling and expand it over five feature length movies. That is right five glorious movies based around a severed head, which forms into a human girl only to persuade her victims to kill her and in turn lose their sanity. For the sake of my well being, this review is limited to Tomie: Replay, the second installment of the franchise.
Tomie: Replay is the pure liquid form of insanity. I know this because after watching this movie, I sat in my room for three hours naked having a conversation with J. M. Barrie. We talked about life, fondue, and the feeling one would get from continuously ramming your head into a wall, which by some twist of Kismet is an actual scene in the movie. For those of you who like the little things when seeing a movie, such as plot or plausibility, perhaps you would be better off renting the latest Steve Oedekerk masterpiece.
It begins innocently enough, as these things have a tendency of doing. The opening scene is a collage of overhead shots in which a young girl in great pain wheels through the halls of a hospital wing. The lead doctor decides to perform an ultrasound and discovers much to his dismay that the belly of this girl has become home to a severed head. This is not just any severed head, but a severed head of pure evil. Since severed heads are not a part of medical plans, the doctor decides to keep the head in a glass cylinder in the basement. From there the doctor goes insane dropping himself from the roof of his own hospital, the daughter of another doctor who went missing finds a journal, and one by one, the body count rises.
Why does this happen you ask? It does not matter. Nothing matters because the Director is relying on the idea that a beautiful woman and a severed head will save this script. At the end of the day, the good guys win and the world is a better place. From one of the coolest initial scenes ever, we get the same repetitive procedure and foreshadowed endings, which has made all horror movies just cheap copies of concepts created fifty years ago.
Giving credit where credit is due, the Director Fujiro Mitsuishi proves that you can do a lot with a solid fifty dollar budget. The backgrounds are mysterious, albeit the dark passage ways and gloomy nights one would expect from this genre. Mai Houshou, who plays the beautiful Tomie actually pulls of the script which is a mixture of one liners and a choose your own adventure mystery book. Unfortunately, we never really see her as a threat, more or less someone who just needs a big hug.
The movie makes an excellent tourist video, because at the end of it, I found myself planning a trip to Japan to stop the export of this barrage of senselessness. This movie makes The Ring look like an Oscar winning epic. In short, if this review has made you want to see this movie then I suggest calling your local psychiatric hospital because you need help. For the love of God, or whatever you hold dear in your life, stay away from this piece of repetitive ignorance.
If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.