Thomm Quackenbush, author

Conservapedia Hot Topic Debate: Is Scientology a false religion?

Say it isn't so, Jason Lee. I said say it! Scientology and Conservapedia represent a marriage of oddity wrapped in a warm burrito shell. It's like watching a punching match between Hitler and Ann Coulter, everybody wins!

Conservapedia is the conservative response to Wikipedia. Basically, take everything good out of the idea of Wikipedia and add a bunch of home schooled Young Earth Creationist spouting out the nonsense their parents, who god forbid send their children to schools with minorities or teachers not afraid to crack a book, spew forth towards their minds like a train crashing into an illegal puppy mill. Now that's an analogy.

Scientology was created by a science fiction writer who at one point in his life spent seven years sailing around the Mediterranean Sea doing drugs and having teenage girls catch his cigarette ashes. Holy shit that's crazy, but completely true and hence I can't be sued.

Now they shall battle. {At this point Stevehen points his fingers out making laser sounds} Pew Pew
 
Behold the beautiful visage of Xenu creator of worlds. Tremble as his Dracula collar.

Behold XENU! {arms fly up into the air and wave} That's about all I have. We've got some time to kill here. See, here's the trouble. I mean, Conservapedia has this whole debate thing but there's not a ton of background information. I could research Scientology some and get back to you guys, but I'm afraid of two things. First, any typing of the term "Scientology" unleashes an angry, erect Tom Cruise onto the general public. Second, my normal research involves Wikipedia. Unfortunately, Jesus hates Wikipedia.
 
Martian Manhuter is not Xenu. Just thought I'd clear that up for everyone.

To the debate, dear readers: is Scientology a false religion? Now, my viewpoint is that Xenu -- who freaking threw hydrogen bombs at his followers -- pretty much wins any debate. However, this is not some colorful off editorial piece, this is Xenex. We do serious stuff here. Enough of this tired rambling, Xenu requires amusement.

"Scientologists don't belive in any higher power. There is no god or supernatural entity in the mythology; there is no figure of moral authority or any entity responsible for creation. Xenu, the most prominent figure of evil, is a physically-existing non-supernatural being, an alien emperor. Thetans are not supernatural either, as Scientologists themselves claim their e-meters physically detect them. So 'it can't be proven' doesn't apply here. MrGrieves"

Xenu is displeased MrGrieves. He would like it very much if you stood over there by that active volcano. Quickly, look to the sky. See that hydrogen bomb coming for you, now face the wraith!
 
Jesus holding a baby raptor, this is what I call balance.

"Yes, scientology is a false religion because it was just a religion created by a sci-fi writer to make money. I think that scientology is harmful to Christianity because it can confuse would be Christians into believing the teachings of scientology. AdrianP"

Ah, yes, the eternal question. Does one become a Scientologist or a Christian? I choose ham sandwich.

"Scientology is no more of a threat to Christianity than Christianity is to Scientology. I'm sure the Scientologists view Christians as blasphemous and ridiculously ignorant, just as you do them. You can't just assume that you're right and everyone else is wrong."

Maybe we all need to take a step back for a second. Having faith is important. We all have times when we feel alone and find comfort in something bigger than us. Maybe that's the point. I've been pretty rough on Scientology, but, in the end, if someone chose this as their path, more power to them. Are their beliefs any more farfetched than yours? I can't answer that question and maybe that's the point. Next week our show will be on trailer park hookers. See you then.

Your Musical Moment Provided By the Vandals
Is it too soon to whisper Oscar? Put a happy ending there and it'll write itself, I swear. All we need are some meetings and a lead.


Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

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Works by Thomm Quackenbush

The Night's Dream Series

We Shadows by Thomm Quackenbush

Danse Macabre by Thomm Quackenbush

Artificial Gods by Thomm Quackenbush