Thomm Quackenbush, author

Justify Your Random Acts of Violence

Meet Mr. Robert Bonelli. On a busy Sunday shopping day in Ulster County, he decided to enter the local Best Buy brandishing an assault rifle and managed to injure two people before a pair of sporting good employees wrestled him to the ground.

Since the popular media loves their random acts of violence, most networks broke away from their rerun schedule to inform the public that they had no idea what was going on. All they knew was that a shooter was doing his best Tommy Vercetti impersonation and further details would be revealed later. After the worst news conference ever -- keep in mind the local police department doesn't have a relations person capable of completing a coherent sentence -- the speculation began.

Hundreds of eye witness reports and anchor theories all boils down to one firm question. Why did he do it? That's the million dollar question. In my hopes of gaining a million dollars, I offer some justification for this act.

Chalk one up to a lonely person in a desperate act of gaining attention. No, that can't be it. Granted, it's a tempting theory, but there's no meat behind the story line and, damn it all, we need headlines. Let's try to help him out a bit. Okay, the devil is out, considering the fact that Jesus now inhabits the White House. Surely, if there was a satanic influence behind this spree, then our glorious leader would descend from the clouds with his magical lighting bolt shooting horse and stop the insanity before it had a chance to take place. Video games are a tempting target, but I don't remember any accounts of floating heart symbols or shield icons. At the end of the day, maybe we'll never really know.

Now the liberal in me calls for a nice look at the issue of gun control, but then again, we need those guns to destroy the hordes of deer that threaten civilization. It's a no-win situation when you stop to think about it, and in the end it really makes for poor story telling.

Maybe we need to forget this ever happened and turn our attention to the issues that matter. No, I'm not bringing up the record deficit or worldwide AIDS. I'm talking about that 80's icon that may have molested a few children.

The man wrote Thriller, if that doesn't give you a free pass, then nothing will.


Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.



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Works by Thomm Quackenbush

Anthologies

Find What You Love and Let It Kill You by Thomm Quackenbush
Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft by Thomm Quackenbush
A Creature Was Stirring: A Twisted Christmas Anthology by Thomm Quackenbush
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