Thomm Quackenbush, author

Punch Drunk Love

Hi, baby. I'm so glad you called. What's your name? That's a sexy name. So what are you doing? Wow, that's amazing. You must build quite the arm strength with that. Do you want to know what I'm wearing? Well, I'm wearing a paper-thin hat, with a red stripped suit that reaches down to my exposed stomach. My legs are covered with a pair of rainbow stockings with tiny red bows just at the knee caps. Do you like gold galoshes? I've borrowed a pair from my German amputee twin just for the occasion. In my left hand, I have the collected works of Neil Gaiman. In my right hand, I have a set of twelve spinning dishes containing the plucked eyeballs of two hundred crows. Does that make you hot? Did I mention I weight seven hundred pounds?

Meet Mr. Barry Egan. He's the owner of small novelty business and perhaps the most pathetic man on the face of the planet. Dominated by seven sisters, Barry's life is a mundane existence as he lives day by day looking to form some kind of romantic connection. Barry eventually finds this relationship. Unfortunately, he has the crooked owner of an adult phone line extorting money from him. What follows is a range of emotion as Barry tries to escape his lust filled past in hopes of nurturing his new found appreciation of life and love. It doesn't sound very interesting does it? Well, it has a car chase, explosions, and a giant radioactive lizard.

Paul Thomas Anderson, who directed this film, has free reign to do a film about my life. Not that my life would make a very exciting film, but Anderson has a knack for making the mundane look interesting. Throwing away his talent at portraying the mentally handicapped, Adam Sandler pulls off a wonderful display of acting range. Unfortunately, when you start your career on Saturday Night Live, you're expected to star in crap movies. In the end, the film is a collection of dialogue driven scenes with little if any attention to the actual development of characters surrounding Barry. While it's initially amusing to watch a thirty something man break down and belittle himself, the joke gets old quickly.

Punch Drunk Love is a wonderful dark comedy that explores the dark facet of the human mind while relying on its actors to portray the stumbling awkwardness that is love. If you like people cracking slowly over time, then this film is a necessary pick up.

Your Moment of Insanity:

Would you like to talk to a girl? I can connect you with a beautiful girl, if I can just have your credit card number followed by the expiration date.

Look Out For:

  1. Barry Eagan runs a factory where they make unbreakable toilet plunger handles. Question for the audience, has anyone ever broken a toilet plunger handle? I didn't think so.
  2. The best example of pillow talk by the criminally insane ever committed to film.
  3. Buying healthy microwavable food equals frequent flier miles. It's logical considering that unhealthy meals like Hungry Man dinners will only make you fat, and the airline industry hates fat people.
  4. Paul Thomas Anderson, the director, won the Best Director Prize at the 2002 Cannes Film Festival. The French love their movies chock full of postmodern insanity.
  5. The music featured in the film is a mixture of Hawaiian folk tunes and the random pressing of keys on a xylophone. Where's Mark Snow when you need him?

Coolness of the DVD:

A second disc film consisting of deleted pieces of the original film set to new music. This seems like cheating, but who am I to say?

Did You Know:

The director of this film and Kevin Smith had a rivalry at one point. Kevin Smith directed Mallrats and Jersey Girl, Paul Thomas Anderson directed Magnolia and Boogie Nights, chalk one in the loss column for the fat man in the trench coat.

A Stevehenish Tagline:

The longer Barry Egan goes without the touch of a woman, the more insane he gets. Welcome to day nine thousand twenty six.

Sometimes Comedians Try Serious Movies:

  1. One Hour Photo
  2. The Majestic
  3. Studio 54

Words Thrown Together in Hopes of Pulling in Random Google Users

"For a Good Time"


Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.



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