Thomm Quackenbush, author

Knight Chills

Pack up your twenty-sided die and goblet filled with fruit punch; we are going role playing all over that ass. No, not the cool kind of role playing where I play a man who comes to fix your refrigerator wearing nothing but my Spongebob Squarepants silk boxers. This is the other kind of role playing. This is not an attack on role playing as a whole. Generally, there is nothing wrong with imagination when used constructively. As with any hobby, it is the people who take it too far that ruin the fun for everyone else. Hold on a second, I have to make a constitution check in order to see if I can continue onů awesome, I pass. Unfortunately, role playing has a terrible reputation. Alright, like the Ouija board and Monopoly, role playing is a game. No matter how seriously we take it, no one will ever be able to summon the devil using a device created by the Parker Brothers. Role playing will not lure you from God or cause your hair to fall out. It's a game people and Knight Chills is a movie about a game. How is that for a lead in?

All John wanted to do was protect his role playing girl. Unfortunately, John is both a stalker and incapable of taking no for an answer. Therefore, when his role playing honey rejects him, John offs himself and comes back as a mystical knight to kill those who mocked his existence. Stay with me on this, it gets better. Okay, so John's role playing group meets in the basement of a local high school history teacher who, after the murder of a few of his students, begins to suspect that John has somehow risen from the dead and is taking his revenge as his former role playing character. The cops think it's the teacher, but cops are always idiots in these types of movies, ignoring every inclination that they may be on the trail of the wrong man. The pay-off is extremely disappointing, leading to more of a cliffhanger then actual closure, using a bypassed link of information to provide some kind of motivation. Being crazy enough to come back from the dead should be motivation enough.

Horror movies should play off the inner fears of those who do not completely understand the world around them, and Knight Chills does this extremely well. The style is a bit campy, but the tone of the murders themselves reminds me of some of the classics of the genre. The director did well to keep the story moving and not clutter the screen with the decapitated heads of kids and people who are dumb enough to go into the woods alone. The acting is amazing and Michael Wayne Walton, who plays John, excels at the role, capturing the obscene mindset of obsession from the moment he enters on screen. The supporting cast is equally compelling, leading the viewer through the movie by providing a rich variety of personalities. The ending, as stated before, leaves the viewer wondering what the moral of the story actually is. Is Knight Chills a damnation of role playing in general or a condemnation of what happens when people jump to conclusions or take their hobbies too seriously?

An underappreciated classic, Knight Chills will not only entertain, but also provide the viewer with important questions that should be asked.

Things you should look out for:

  1. They have a fabulous scene in the early part of the film where they reveal the inner sanctum of role players. Within the smoke-filled, beer-drinking scene, we get an extremely accurate portrayal of what happens when these people argue. It is both hilarious and awkward at the same time.
  2. Girls are into Kurt Cobain. Unfortunately, he is dead. Therefore, every girl wants to do a dead guy. You can not argue with this kind of logic.
  3. A great monologue revealing the Pagan roots of the Christmas tree, and an even better reply from a father.

Your Moment of Insanity:

There is no getting out. This is a game, Cole, not a cult. It's like a group game together to play cards or Scrabble or Pictionary...
People don't start dying after a heated game of Scrabble.

A unique movie Knight Chills goes down well with other flicks:

  1. Conan the Barbarian
  2. Chamber of Horrors
  3. Signs

Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.

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Works by Thomm Quackenbush


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