Thomm Quackenbush, author

Kiki's Delivery Service

Everybody asks me. Stevehen what's your favorite film of all time? Well, that's a complicated question. So many films out there have touched me in my joyous button, filling me with liquid goodness while sending me to a euphoric state in which everyone dances naked while remarking on how great the New York Mets are playing. Still if I had to choose - which, thankfully, I don't -- I would say my favorite film is the remarkable Kiki's Delivery Service. So sit back, grab a cup of cocoa, get naked, and read along as we embark on a magical journey into the heart of innocence. Let's go, Mets.

It all starts with a witch, Stevehen writes as various Christians violently jam at their mouse, attempting to find a white supremacy site which will reaffirm their belief that Jesus indeed hates the witchcraft, a witch named Kiki who is about to embark on a wonderful journey. When a witch turns of a certain age, it is her responsibility to take her powers and travel to a new city, putting her amazing abilities to use for all mankind's sake. Well, Kiki, along with her talking cat, decides to settle on a little hamlet. One problem, Kiki's not very good at much, but she can fly without the use of anything illegal. Using her ability to defy gravity -- and thus the rules of Jesus Christ our personal savior and anyone who disagrees will suffer an eternal bath in the lake of lava that is Hell -- she decides to open a little delivery service. When her powers begin to fade however, Kiki is left redefining who she is without her fantastic powers and, in the end, learns that the ability to believe in oneself is the greatest power of all. See, you thought it was going to have weird alien tentacles exiting from every conceivable bodily hole or some odd twist at the end, you freaking cynics.

Let's run down the list of why this film is just plan great. Hayao Miyazaki is the premier Japanese director, who has a knack of infusing his work with powerfully independent female characters. Add to it the mix of humor and the just plain cuteness that oozes from the piece, offering the viewer a mixture of characterization while at the same time not being overly preachy. It's just freaking cute, damn it. Watch it already.

You will love this film. There, all my chips are on the table. Frankly, the only option left is to offer my physical body to anyone, over the age of eighteen of course, who does not like this film. This is my guarantee, if you watch the film, and it doesn't do anything for you, then I will appear at your house and watch the damn thing with you. Naked, of course, and we can have cocoa.

What You Should Look Out For:

  1. Old people love putting their heads inside of ovens while talking about better days. Sure, it's a cartoon, but also a reflection of life.
  2. Cows love the taste of little girl's feet. Therefore, cows are child molesters. Suddenly all those vegans have no argument. Pass the steak.
  3. In all the glory of Disney, when they dubbed the voices in the film, they changed coffee into cocoa. Apparently, talking cats are in the realm of fantasy, but the idea of a child drinking coffee is just nuts.
  4. Witches have a knack for falling in love with the most physically awkward person they can find. There's something about the guy with glasses and a squeaky voice that just drive the mysterious women wild. Anyone can date a cheerleader guys, embrace your local makeup drenched beauties.
  5. Take a bicycle, put a propeller on the front, and go fast until you fly. Maybe you'd prefer it if the guy fell face first into the rotor, instantly severing his head whiles his body flopped about on the ground. It's a Disney movie, which one of these scenarios do you think they used?

Your Moment of Insanity:

By the way, that painter who found the stuffed cat told me she wanted to do a drawing with me in it.

Naked?

Gigi...

Did You Know:

Kiki's Delivery Service takes place in a world where World War I never occurred. War made all the witches disappear and replaced them with horrid German techno music. Thump Thump Thump...The system is down.

A Stevehenish Tagline

You remind of the girl with the power.
What power?
The power of flight, that's it.

Know Your Studio Ghibli History

  1. Castle in the Sky
  2. The Cat Returns
  3. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind


Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.



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Works by Thomm Quackenbush

The Night's Dream Series

We Shadows by Thomm Quackenbush

Danse Macabre by Thomm Quackenbush

Artificial Gods by Thomm Quackenbush