Thomm Quackenbush, author

Inappropriate Use of Public Domain Pictures 02

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE?

Shit, Frank is going bat shit insane again.

Do you know what I REALLY LOVE? ANSWER ME, GODDAMN IT. What, nobody knows? No one has been paying attention? Well, love waking up at the crack of dawn; shaving my body of all that nasty hair and coming down to town to give you people the show of your lives.

Someone get the sheriff.

Frank Wayne and his magical whip show. That's what they called me in Topeka. That's right, Topeka motherfucking Kansas. I'm not like you sheep people; I've lived a full life. I had dreams that came true. I bet that really bites all of you, doesn't it? How's the farm treating you, Billy...

Fine, it's going good...

YOU LIE! Whorish liar. Your pants are on fire, Billy, and I plan on putting that out with my whips.

You're going to put the fire in my pants out with a whip? Not really into that sort of thing, Frank.

DAMN YOUR UNCANNY WORD PLAY ABILITIES!

Frank, you better get out of here, the sheriff is on the way.

I can stop bullets with my whip. Have you ever seen that? It's insane. First the bullets are all, like, bang coming towards me right and then I just pluck them from the sky.

Again, Frank you can't stop bullets with whips.

HOLY SHIT, YOU CAN! It's scientific fact. Gravity is real and I can catch bullets with my whip.

Hey, not to butt in, but could we tone the language down a little, Frank? My kid is picking up some candy inside.

FUCK YOUR SORE RIDDEN SPERM COLLECTION!

What?

You heard me, I'm using words we can all understand. This is still America! Anyone who has a problem with me talking like a grownup can come over here and pick up a mouthful of whip. Just saying any offers? Didn't think so... NOW WE MOVE ON TO THE BULL WHIP! *Pshhaaa*


Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.



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