Thomm Quackenbush, author

Inappropriate Comic Book Splash Pages 9

Spiderman: No problem, Mr. President. Just let me know if you ever need help again, I'll get the Avengers to hook you up with a communicator. I mean, you'll have to deal with the occasional three in the morning rambling from Hawkeye, but other than that it's cool. So what's next on the agenda?

Obama: I've gotten quite the job ahead of me. I mean, there's this recession, health care, fighting two wars, and a host of other domestic issues. It's going to be an interesting four years.

Spiderman: Well, best of luck to you, sir, you've got most of the hero community behind you.

Obama: Well, if there's anything you ever want, let me know.

Spiderman: They all say that.

Obama: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.

Spiderman: Damn it, you're like all the others, aren't you?

Obama: I ran on a platform of change.

Spiderman: Maybe you intended change, but intending something and actually doing it are two separate things.

Obama: I just took office, Spiderman.

Spiderman: And look at that, I'm pulling your ass out of the fire already. That's not the issue, though. Maybe I feel a little disenfranchised with the whole political thing. I mean, you happen to be the third guy who I saved who promised the world and, well, here I am.

Obama: I'm different, Spiderman. How can I prove this to you?

Spiderman: It's stupid, forget I said anything.

Obama: Just spit it out, son.

Spiderman: I want you to sign an executive order calling for the murder of Moon Knight.

Obama: Wait, what?

Spiderman: See, this is what I'm talking about, fucking broken promises. You talk about change, I want you to murder Moon Knight; hell, sign the order and I'll hunt him down myself.

Obama: Why would you want to kill Moon Knight?

Spiderman: Because, Mr. President -- and I mean this with all due respect to the team that created him -- he sucks. Seriously, he's a low rent Batman with a personality disorder.

Obama: Maybe I could make a call to Marvel get him off the shelves for a few months.

Spiderman: That never works! I mean, they cancel it and eventually some would-be writer dusts him off and, shit, we're stuck with him again. Besides They Who Will Not Be Named owns us all now. I'll probably be in a musical before you know it.

Obama: It was a smart move for Disney to buy Marvel. It diversifies their line.

Spiderman: No, it takes a company that had lost its way and pumps tons of stupid money into it. I'm literally afraid to see what they come up with next.

Obama: Marvel and Disney will make sure nothing crazy happens.

Spiderman: "The Super Hero Squad Show"! Have you seen that shit? You know what? Forget it. Maybe the next guy will really be about change.

Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.

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