Thomm Quackenbush, author

Inappropriate Comic Book Splash Pages 3

Hey, sis, how's it going.

Christ, Tony, what the hell is wrong with you?

Eh, you know, the usual. Was doing an off pull in Wailing Caverns, a raptor called for help and suddenly my tank is running all over the place trying to pick up the adds. Anyway, I keep sheeping one and some dumb-as-hell lock decides to toss curses around. Everything is completely cluster fucked, until the server collapses causing a d/c wipe. Figured I'd step away from the desk for a bit. What are you up to?

Well I have a date with real people in the real world.

The people who play Warcraft are real. You're under the impression orchestrated by the conservative media that people who play online video games are incapable of interacting with the real world. I thought you were better than that. Not to mention that the developers have gone through great lengths to develop a breathing world. It's really an amazing game.

It's the World of Warcraft. It's an online video game.

Oh and so much more. Did you know that, thanks to my mage's profession as a tailor, I've decided to take up needlework? Seriously, the game is making me a better person. You should try playing again.

Well, no thank you. The last time I played, I have some guy named Grunk trying to talk me into cyber sex for an "epic" staff.

That was a good deal, sis. I'd cyber-fiddle some guy for some epic gear in a heartbeat. Seriously, you need to let it go. Anyway, how long are you going to be out?

Why, do you have someone coming over? Please god, say you do.

No, I was wondering if you would mind picking up some Hot Pockets for me on the way back. You know some of those four cheese ones. I love my Hooot Pockeeettsss.

Why do you always have to do the song?

It's beaten in me by the corporate agenda.

Sure, I can get your gamer fuel; one thing is kind of freaking me out. Why can I see through you?

Well, sis, that's a long story. I was just about to put my talent points in improved counterspell when I collapsed from a massive brain clot. Maybe I had too many Mountain Dews or something not really sure. Anyway, I'm dead at my computer screen.

So, that whole Hot Pocket thing?

Well that was an attempt to get you to come across my body. Figured you wanted to nip that little trouble before mom and dad got home. Also the steam from Hot Pockets is used as a type of currency in the afterworld. I mean, you have a date though, don't want you to keep you from that. You can come across the dead body of your gamer brother some other time I guess.

My god...

Oh, could you bury my toon in Goldshire? I was always happy there.

Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.

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Works by Thomm Quackenbush


Find What You Love and Let It Kill You by Thomm Quackenbush
Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft by Thomm Quackenbush
A Creature Was Stirring: A Twisted Christmas Anthology by Thomm Quackenbush
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