Thomm Quackenbush, author

Inappropriate Comic Book Splash Pages

PA KENT: I wanted to thank you for coming here today, Heroic Penis Man. See, yeah Heroic Penis Man, that's my name for you. I shoot blanks, Clark. I always have. I think it comes from my mother touching me. She took away all my good sperm; she left me with just the husks of life. I thought I would die a crippled man, alone with a wife who was little more than a depot for my cold, lifeless sperm. Then we found you. God, that day will stay with me forever. From that moment, every time you saved a life or kept a plane from crashing into the ground, my penis glimmered.

God, I hated your mother. She was always trying to get between us. I actually just killed her, bashed in her nagging fucking mouth with a piece of your shuttle. I guess, in a way, you killed her.

Didn't pick that up with your super hearing, did you? Too busy looking at your whore wife? We had to change our phone number after you died. She just kept calling at all times of the day.

"Well maybe it's that guy in that steel suit."

Why would my penis need a hammer? My penis IS the hammer.

God, I hope you kissed her tonight. I hope, between the promised whispers of a quick retreat home, you took in her smell. You'll need those memories soon enough.

"Time to retreat from the old people."

I heard you, Clark, but then again you're the one with the super hearing. Listen real quiet like, do you hear the poison I put into her system? Go to her, run as fast as you can, maybe you'll get to her in time to watch her slip away.

My mouth is killing me. You remember that toothache I was talking to you about during dinner? Yeah, I had Dr. Horton replace a few of my teeth with Kryptonite, all the rage in Paris. Touch me and I'll clamp onto you like a rabid animal.

Like any erection, eventually it gets tiresome. This situation, this life is tiresome. So I decided to just win. I believe one of your friends said it best.

I'm the Goddamn Batman.


Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.



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Works by Thomm Quackenbush

The Night's Dream Series

We Shadows by Thomm Quackenbush

Danse Macabre by Thomm Quackenbush

Artificial Gods by Thomm Quackenbush