I would like to thank those people out there who just had to push Hollywood into making this film. Thanks to your constant complaining and internet bitching, enough cash found its way into the right hands to ensure that this bastard of a marriage could occur. It wasn't good enough that Freddy now jumped into the real world at the end of every film or that Jason shot into space and received a technological overhaul. No, you wanted a return to the basics. You got it. The result of all this fanfare is a masterful blend of crap and naked women. I hope you're happy.
Freddy Kruger was a child molester who managed to slip a court conviction due to a technicality. Since everybody loves vigilante justice, Fred's neighbors decided to torch his house, barbequing the freak in the process. If their mission was to create a dream-walking psychopath, mission accomplished. Jason, on the other hand, was a retarded kid who drowned. Throw all the origins out the window, though. You won't need them. See the parents of Elm Street are some of the brightest people in the world. When their kids begin to die in their dreams they logically move to the prevention step. Do they move to another town? No, they drug their kids. Freddy, in a fit of rage, and just itching to use his resurrection power, decides to send Jason to Elm Street to put the fear back into those ungrateful punks. Jason gets a little too comfortable in his role and Freddy decides to put him in his place. It's a good thing they both learned kung-fu, because they'll need it.
In the grand tradition of milking a marketing machine to death, Hollywood offers the modern versus movie, where the bad guy from one ass collection of films battles another guy from a horrid collection of films. The director, Ronny Yu, is known for his stylized visual sequences and that's fine, but in the horror genre comes off as a silly attempt to justify an elaborate fight sequence. On a side note, Jason's afraid of water. Really, I mean, this guy lives at the bottom of a lake. That just doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense and I would just like to be the first to blame you.
Put the drugs down Jay, that caterpillar isn't your friend and neither is this film.
Your Moment of InsanityWho cares about some fucking dream guy okay? That psycho in the hockey mask was real.
Look Out For
A Stevehenish TaglineDon't go to camp.
Your Wesley Willis Moment
You are my favorite gangsta rapper. Ice Cube...
It's Not Going to Get Better if You Keep Picking At It
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