Welcome to the Internet, the home of instant communication at the tip of your fingers. If you look enough, every nugget of information is available for your consumption. It's a place where children dance and frolic in the light of the setting sun while birds prance majestically on high power cables occasionally doing their happy flaming dance of death. Alas, with every coin, there's an obverse filled with all the nightmares of French Postmodernism parlayed to the screen by a one eyed wine taster named Pierre. Yes, the Internet is a great tool if used properly. I use it to make brownies, magical brownies.
Once upon a time, some psycho decided to start up a web cam devoted to the slaughter of aspiring actresses. Unfortunately, this guy chose poorly and now his website is the home of an angry spirit bent on extracting her revenge. Thus an urban legend is born. Enter the know-nothing police officer who, along with his Department of Health leash, decides to unravel the mystery behind the ghostly internet girl who drives people insane. After what seems like an eternity, but is actually an hour of scary lighting and bumping in the night, the audience is treated to a quickie ending of unremarkable revelations.
This movie, like any horror movie, ends with a hint of there being a possible sequel. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but unfortunately there will be no continued adventures of albino hemophiliac girl. Everyone let out their sigh of disappointment. William Malone, who crapped over the remake of House on Haunted Hill, returns once again to the director's chair intent on ending his career. Well, if his intent was making Stevehen the Destroyer cry, then mission accomplished. The acting, with the exception of Stephen Dorff, chops through this massacre of a script stopping only to recognize the seizure-inducing light show.
If this is where horror movies are going, I want to be shot and dragged behind a horse. For an added effect, throw a cell phone in my hand and scream out something about using long distance minutes. Where was I? This is one piece of crap.
Your Moment of Insanity:Do you like to watch? Do you want to see more? Do you want to hurt me? I know who you are and I know what you really want. Time to play. Time for us to become one. Find me. You have forty-eight hours.
You Should Look Out For:
Did You Know:You sleep with bugs. Well, I mean you don't sleep with bugs in a sexual way. Well, maybe you do. There's probably nothing wrong with that. Emily might be better to answer these questions. Go bother her.
A Stevehenish Tagline:The Internet will drive you nuts one way or another.
The Internet Just Might End Up Killing Us All
Movies About Cyber Space:
Random Google Words
"The Fear Starts Here"
If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.