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Dreamcatcher

Okay, there's a story behind this movie. Do you remember when a truck struck our favorite horror writer while he was out taking a walk? No, I'm not talking about Anne Rice; she just writes crap and is legally a woman. Well, after this brush with death, Stephen King came to a world of pain killers, and through the medicated fog of rehabilitation, this movie came to be. Well, the book was written and since Hollywood refuses to learn the lesson of adapting King's work, the film followed shortly and went to the video store faster then people forgot about The Storm of the Century.

Do you want to see a dead body? No? How about a crashed alien ship complete with visitors that will speak directly into your mind? Cool, that's what I thought. What happens when you take Stand By Me and add in an alien intent with taking over the world? You get Dreamcatcher. When four friends save a mentally challenged space alien, you know the results are going to be hilarious. These four friends form a pact that remains unbroken until a second alien ship crash lands on Earth twenty years later. It seems these aliens are intent on spreading a plague across the Earth. The military sends in their alien jacking crew and the battle is on to save the Earth. What follows is a race against time to a reservoir and, really, it does not make much sense. I don't even know why I try to explain these films anymore. Instead, I'll just tap the foot of my dancing hamster and sing along.

Where do I start? Morgan Freeman is great in every film he's in, so we'll remove him from the picture and mark this film up to poor judgment, likewise with the appearance of Jason Lee. Okay, I'll go as far to pardon every actor in the film. I blame bad direction, a hashed together storyline, and the worst alien effects I've ever seen. The direction of the film itself was determined not by story progression, but by the random turn of a magical plot wheel placed directly on the Earth's axis. I'm sure the movie has fourteen separate scripts all of which we written in a different language and handed out like soup in a 1930's bread line to the actors. It's a bad, bad film.

This movie forgot the first rule of Stevehen Entertainment: it forgot to laugh at itself. Fortunately, it found its way into my collection, and into the hearts and minds of everyone who's seen this crap, all three of us.

Your Moment of Insanity:

There it is gentlemen, directly into our heads. This gives you an idea of what we're up against. Now if anybody's thinking why those poor helpless little folk, all naked and unarmed besides their crashed intergalactic Winnebago, what kind of a dog, a monster could hear that heartbreak and go in just the same. Well, I'm that dog. I'm that monster. These mothers are as harmless as a fox in a hen house and I'm here to kick some ass. Are you with me? (Sign me up Mr. Freeman. Sign me up.)

Look Out For:

  1. Morgan Freeman has great eye brows. They are very long, puffy, and sexy.
  2. Donnie Wahlberg really wants to be accepted as an actor with range. Unfortunately, he plays a mentally retarded character, which is not much of a stretch when you think about it. Keep in mind; this is completely different from his mentally retarded character from The Sixth Sense. Dear Hollywood, if you have a mentally challenged character, Donnie is you man. He has the right stuff, baby.
  3. If you thought the original movie was completely insane, buy the DVD and look at what they took out. Can you say alien bar fight? My God, I wish I were making this up.
  4. Jason Lee balances on a toilet, trying to contain the monster within the bowl while reaching for toothpicks spread across a floor soaked with anal blood. Now that you are a vegetarian, go make me a salad.
  5. A good way around multiple personalities inhabiting the same body is by incorporating a British accent and associating it with evil. It might have worked with a French accent, but probably not.

DVD Extras A Plenty:

It has an interview with Stephen King, that's always entertaining. Notice the gleam of his eyes representing meaningful contact with the thing he loves most in the world. Cashing big fat checks.

Did You Know:

It's based off a Stephen King book, not that crappy online one based on the plant. No, it's not that one where he wrote the same book twice under his pen name. No, it was based off one of his good ones. Wait, never mind. Where's the fear-induced vision of Tom Gordon when you need him?

A Stevehenish Tagline:

Who are you kidding; you'll buy this because Stephen King's attached to it.

Aliens and Psychics Oh My

  1. Aliens
  2. Carrie
  3. Earth Girls Are Easy

Words Thrown Together in Hopes of Pulling in Random Google Users

"Stephen King is a great author."


Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.



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