Thomm Quackenbush, author


Who wants to go camping? Come on, it'll be fun. We can roast marshmallows, sing campfire songs, hunt some fish with high explosives, and, of course, molest Ned Betty. Well, forget that last part. Okay, first things first, I am a city boy. So empty woods, bugs, strange smells, banjos, inbreeding, and bodies drifting face down in the middle of a river as three, small, eight-legged French gymnast performing back flips on their bobbing, bloating heads just scares the crap out of me. Still, since people, or person to be more precise, want this review, then everybody gets it. Think of it as a punishment, now go to your room, and I'll be up shortly. Well, read this first and then go to your room.

Four friends travel into the woods for one last adventure of a white rapid river before them northern industrial types turn all its natural beauty into a lake. The only problem is that these city boys don't really understand the rules of the woods. What starts as a simple molestation descends into murder, and the four friends are faced with the decision of burying the body and hightailing it down the river. Unfortunately, while it remains easy to kill, living with the act becomes difficult as the group struggles to remain together as the woods look on. Three out of four escape, which beats Vegas odds, and the city boys use all those brains they have to screw the good old boys out of their justice. Public education in Georgia loses again. Maybe they should switch to books printed after 1973.

The actual pace of the film is timid, leaving the cast to stare out into the distance and think about how standing around a dead body will change their emotional condition. This is a reoccurring theme in the movie, as the director gave the cast too much time to contemplate their situation. The actual white water scenes are shot dramatically with many incorporating shots and manage to keep the actors in shot assuring the audience that very few, if any, stunt doubles are used in the piece. The result is a good looking film, if not completely insane in its delivery. Case in point, whoever thought of the banjo as a way to heighten the mood was completely off, and probably on drugs.

Still, even with its flaws, Deliverance is a surprising film about the human ability to strive beyond traumatic events. Deliverance turns out to be a decent film, if not a reinforcement piece of southern stereotypes. Still, it's a hilarious movie recommended for any small child or those scheduled for surgery.

Your Moment of Insanity:

Get up, boy. I bet you can squeal. I bet you can squeal like a pig.

Things You Should Look Out For:

  1. Burt Reynolds gets a broken leg. Well, perhaps broken is the wrong term. Shattered works better. Let's just say we see bone, and it's unnecessary.
  2. What kind of idiot brings a guitar on a canoeing trip? Last time I checked, it wasn't an important part of the water traveling experience. Although it does allow you to play with an inbreed banjo playing mute, but that leads to death. Leave the guitar at home, Randy Travis. The life you save will be your own.
  3. If you break down emotionally at your dinner table, nobody will do anything except look at you. Probably because you're a cry baby and you do it all the time. Pass the corn, cry baby, and try not to wet your pants on the fried chicken.
  4. Burt Reynolds wakes up and remembers nothing about the events, which is ironic because I remember nothing about Burt Reynolds. I have a restraining order stating such.
  5. They dubbed the banjo playing kid in the early part of the film. This means Hollywood is a bunch of liars.

Movies without a Ned Betty molestation scene...unfortunately...

  1. Sister Act
  2. An American Tail
  3. The Sore Losers (which surprisingly comes close but, alas, no cigar)

Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.

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Works by Thomm Quackenbush


Find What You Love and Let It Kill You by Thomm Quackenbush
Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft by Thomm Quackenbush
A Creature Was Stirring: A Twisted Christmas Anthology by Thomm Quackenbush
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On B&N
At Double Dragon