Harry Potter CENSORED!
The writer manages to switch topics on such a random basis that the reader is left wondering at what exact point the writer just gave up attempting to create a point altogether.
Jesus will likely attempt to take all Harry Potter merchandise away when he returns. It's a good thing I know how to deal with the likes of him. Parselmouth is not going to help you out of this one, Son of God, Avada Kedavra.
Let's get the facts straight. Magic is bad. Miracles are good. Now that we have that potential hypocrisy out of the way, we should turn our attention to the real issue at hand. Harry Potter corrupts children by introducing them to the dark arts. The Harry Potter book series is the evil and will surely steal the souls of literate children, if great God-fearing people don't stand up to the evil English author. Not my words, dear reader, but the words of David J. Stewart who, much like me, loves to toss his middle initial around. The point of his argument is simple enough.
"Harry Potter teaches children witchcraft and should be banned from ALL schools. The very word 'witchcraft' makes Harry Potter an extremely delicate matter to many parents. For any teacher to push the issue is total disrespect for those parents who reject the Potter series as dangerous. Kids go to school to learn how to read and write, why utilize books about witchcraft that ostracize religious children?"
Stewart is right; children go to school to learn things. Granted, these are not important things like friendship, bravery, problem-solving or the plethora of positive lessons contained in the book series, but rather calculus. Preach on, Mr. Stewart.
"Likewise, evolution has no place in the public school system because it assumes automatically that there is no God and thus brainwashes children to believe so. The Word of God (the Bible) clearly teaches that God created the universe as we know it today in six days (Genesis chapter one)."
Yes, we must first remove the Harry Potter and afterwards turn our sights on evolution. That is likely the most logical derailment of thought ever placed on paper. You would think at this point, Stewart would look back on his work and discovering no transition from Harry Potter to evolution would discard this article entirely. No, instead he goes on to pick more fights with imaginary problems.
"Even worse, public school educators pass off education as 'science,' but is certainly not. To be 'science' something MUST be able to be studied, observed, monitored, tested, and investigated."
It is a good thing the president put that satellite into orbit to monitor God's reaction when we poke him with our giant stick made out of papier-mâché. Without it, we would have never been able to accept the science of "Intelligent Design."
Stewart is not willing to let his hatred of Harry Potter and the educational system go away without one last strike at the heart of all of us Devil followers. He goes on to tell us of a tale that will surely turn us away from the dark influence.
"I was in a BestSeller book store recently and was surprised to see a Harry Potter book behind a warning sign which read: CENSORED."
Well, that settles the debate for me. If BestSeller bookstore is going to deem Harry Potter a censored book, I have no choice but to take my business to another store. I hear BooksFunRead is a store that is on the way up.
Your Moment of Insanity
"I wish every book store in the world would place warning labels on the evil Harry Potter collection. If I had my way, there wouldn't be any Harry Potter. I would burn every book, movie, shirt, toy, and item that dealt with Harry Potter's witchcraft. Perhaps when the Lord Jesus Christ returns, I will get my wish."
Your Musical Moment Provided By The Wedgewoods
Jesus was a pirate. ARGH! Turn the other cheek. ARGH! The fishes and loaves. ARGH! The world goes to the meek. ARGH! Father who art in heaven.
If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.