Thomm Quackenbush, author

Chasing Amy

Do you know how VH1 has that show where celebrities look back on their high school years? Between vomiting into my belly button and wondering what happened to the music videos, it occurred to me. As we age, the caste system that defined us in high school completely reverses. Case in point: the cool kid of my school has a kid now and an extra forty pound beer belly. I'd like to think of that as Karma coming back to collectively bite this person in the ass. High school does prepare you for the real world, but it should never define who you are. People change, love draws us in the direction it desires. Life goes on after high school. You'll make it through. God, I'm so depressing. Maybe if I took off my pants. There, that's better.

Comic book artist get the women. Meet Holden, he draws a little comic called Bluntman and Chronic. At a local convention, Holden crosses paths with another comic artist. The light dims, romantic music plays in the background, and Holden falls head over heals for this blonde vixen. Unfortunately, she tends to draw towards a female audience. Since Holden is incapable of taking no for an answer, he decides to express his love for this lesbian songstress. These two cats hit it off and everything appears to going splendidly. Unfortunately, a little secret from the past threatens to tear the two lovebirds apart. It ends as all romances eventually do with an awkward exchanging of comic books. This is why I stopped going to conventions, there's too much pain involved. In addition to this, I'm allergic to Star Trek.

Persistence pays off. Don't believe me. Compare for yourselves the style between Chasing Amy and Mallrats. It's night and day. Giving blind praise where it is due, Kevin Smith can write dialogue. Sometimes that's all it takes. Rather than a movie where the characters fart on each other and kidnap monkeys, Chasing Amy is all about the story. Congratulations, you found the one Kevin Smith movie that actually contains a meaningful story. Jason Lee as always saves the film as the lovable, but homophobic sidekick to the straight-laced Holden.

Planned as the final of the Jersey trilogy, Chasing Amy delivers a meaningful story complete with wonderful acting and an honest message of love attached.

For those of you out there who clamor about waiting for Kevin Smith to create a science fiction movie, let me assure you this is about as close to the genre as he will ever make. In real life, this film comes nowhere near to actually happening. Now we dance. Don't stop, it's your birthday.

Your Moment of Insanity:

You see that man right there. He the Devil, you understand. Never take your eye off him.

You Should Look Out For:

  1. Do you know who I think would make an excellent Madman? Who cares, that comic just blew, and you suck for liking it. Now go play in traffic.
  2. They make an excellent case for the homosexual undertones in the Archie books. They made me a believer, not a trace of doubt in my mind. I'm in love.
  3. Never take love advice from a stoner and his heterosexual life partner unless that advice comes with a free stash.
  4. I feel it necessary to mention the scene where Ben Affleck breaks down and confesses his emotions toward Joey Lauren Adams' character. Now, if ever you find yourself using this monologue to confess your love for another human being then let me be the first to welcome you to the land of eternal virgin. Trust me on this. You're better off getting drunk and vomiting on yourself. That's how I met Tina.
  5. Check out the coolness of cigarettes. Remember, only cool people are allowed to smoke, that's why they ID you at the store.

Did You Know:

The theme to Hawaii Five O has lyrics. This has nothing to do with anything even remotely related to this film. This is what we in the business refer to as filler. What business you ask? Why naked dancing, of course. Don't stop. It's your birthday. It's a running joke, crashing to the ground.

DVD Extra

Kevin Smith and crew make fun of Rich Little. For those of you who have no idea what this great man represents let's say he's an impersonator and the line to Hell begins behind him.

A Stevehenish Tagline:

Chinese finger cuffs, for the soul.

Comics Are Cool But Don't Ask Me To Tell You Why

  1. Strangers in Paradise
  2. Arkham Asylum
  3. What's Michael

Love is never wrong no matter what form it takes

  1. Free Willy
  2. The Rocky Horror Picture Show
  3. An Officer and a Gentleman


Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.



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Works by Thomm Quackenbush

Anthologies

Find What You Love and Let It Kill You by Thomm Quackenbush
Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft by Thomm Quackenbush
A Creature Was Stirring: A Twisted Christmas Anthology by Thomm Quackenbush
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On B&N
At Double Dragon