Thomm Quackenbush, author

A Bucket of Blood

Art is nothing but the lonely heartbeat before insanity. Wow, I wrote that. I mean, I used to write poetry and such, but I never really got into it. Maybe this is my new lease on life. Stevehen J. Warren is a reviewer no more. Now he's an artist, an artist of words. This means I can't be funny anymore. Artists are serious. Do you want to know a secret? Come here for a second. Lean in a little closer. Now open your mouth, that's right just like that. Look at the BLOOD. He told you to stay away from the bars. Why don't you ever listen?

Walter works in a coffee shop, collecting the empty cups from the tables of two-cent word hacks. While this existence seems meaningless enough, Walter wants to be an artist. The problem is he's a realist, which means his art consists of wrapping the dead body of his neighbor's cat in clay. The local artist populace jumps all over this idea and Walter continues to produce piece after piece. Only the owner of this coffee shop knows the truth but the dollar signs in his eyes persuade him to keep this dark secret. Eventually that clay is going to start to crumble, bringing his artistic talent to light.

Hollywood forgot how to make this kind of movie. Maybe that's a good thing. There are no big budget effects or scenes of intense horror. The movie works on a psychological level, creating characters the audience will acknowledge for their uniqueness. The film is hokey in parts, but still barrels forward offering something new in each viewing. For those in the mood for foreshadowing, listen to the music through the piece and keep the opening poem in your mind. Walter remains as a warm character, even though he's committing these crimes. By a simple na´ve smile, the audience is tricked into believing that maybe Walter could just get away with the crimes he's committed.

A masterpiece of dark dialogue and characterization, A Bucket of Blood is an underground classic of brooding wit. Jive turkey.

Your Moment of Insanity:

I won't say good luck, Walter. It would imply you could not succeed on your ability alone.

You Should Look Out For:

  1. In 1950's America, they used their hats for ashtrays. Now this generation is all bald. Fill in the blanks on your own time.
  2. Never once did the poet Maxwell say it was okay to coat a dead body in plaster. Well, maybe he did, but he never used those exact words.
  3. Everybody in the Army is uncreative. Don't believe me, ask a Marine for some poetry. I guarantee you it will involve rhyming something about America and honor. I support our troops with comedy.
  4. Staring at people making out in their car is art. I am so into looking at art from the bushes.
  5. The title of my first book shall be, "The Third Time Phyllis Saw Me, She Exploded."

Did You Know:

If the silent voice of creation involves stabbing cats, then I'm a regular Frank Lloyd Wright.

A Stevehenish Tagline:

Now that's postmodern.

Movies About the Glory of Black & White

  1. I Bury the Living
  2. Horror Hotel
  3. White Zombie

Stevehen J. Warren is a trained professional in dealing with the crap society churns out. If possible, do not attempt to engage any crap you may find. He mocks it so you don't have to.

If you have a movie, picture, website, friend, game, book, fan fiction, or toilet you would like me to see, or crap all over, please inform your friendly webmaster and include your name and the name of the crappee. The numbers are open and we have trained professionals waiting to receive your call.

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Works by Thomm Quackenbush

The Night's Dream Series

We Shadows by Thomm Quackenbush

Danse Macabre by Thomm Quackenbush

Artificial Gods by Thomm Quackenbush