To have your terribly important or vaguely witty question answered, ask the wind. Zack gave up on this column. Yeah, sorry.
Ask Zack is a syndicated advice column printed in over 700 newspapers, periodicals, and websites. However, this may not be true in your space-time. Zack is not a doctor of any stripe, nor has he played one on television. Please use your own common sense and consult a professional with your problem(s). Zack, Xen, or any other implied agents are not in any way responsible to you for any reason, whatsoever. Try suing Big Tobacco, we hear they have deep pockets.