Thomm Quackenbush, author

Tori Amos

Tori Amos fans refer to themselves as Toriphiles, which sounds a lot like pedophiles to me, but I digress. Myra Ellen Amos, as she was born, breathed new life into the piano-wielding stereotype, ensuring for all time that music written by women will continue to depress everyone. Granted, it's not as bad as prostate cancer, but what is? Anyway, part of the appeal… nay, complete insanity surrounding this artist of pounding is that undisputable fact that she was, at one point in her life, raped. On the other hand, perhaps she wasn't. It's a heated debate, and since I love sticking my pointy little German nose in everything, I decided to end the debate for all time. Through the countless articles of complete praise, I think I've come across a definitive timeline of what occurred.

Granted, this subject never made it into her music when she was in a short lived heavy metal band that released an album entitled "Y Kant Tori Read" in 1987. Then again, heavy metal's strong suit has never been expressing the rage following traumatic events. After this toilet paper of an album, the executives and Tori decided to make another stab at releasing a record. Gone were the outlandish gimmicks, replaced instead with a cheap imitation of Kate Bush. In 1991, she released the epic "Me and A Gun", which recounts her rape story, providing inspiration to those who went through similar situations. All well and good, but not good enough for some people out there. There are Trolls, people who disregard Tori's story as nothing more then a calculated farce. Well, those people need to burn in Hell. Tori Amos would never mislead her cravingly insane fans, except for Boys for Pele, but that was horrible on another level altogether.

Now the Internet is shady on the exact date and occurrence, but I am willing to profess that whatever Mrs. Amos says is true. Call it a blind trust, but using my skills in journalism, the picture of this tragic event becomes clear. Somewhere between 1984 and 1985, Tori was either twenty or twenty-two, and after one of her shows an audience member, obsessed fan, or former friend held a gun to her head and raped her. Granted in a 1994 interview with Joe Jackson, who worked for Hot Press at the time, she changed her story slightly.

"How am I alive to tell you this tale when he was ready to slice me up? In the song I say it was 'Me and a Gun' but it wasn't a gun. It was a knife he had. And the idea was to take me to his friends and cut me up, and he kept telling me that, for hours. And if he hadn't needed more drugs I would have been just one more news report, where you see the parents grieving for their daughter." -Tori Amos February 23, 1994 Hot Press

I know what you're saying naysayer, why didn't she bring up her rape sooner? I don't know, somewhere between the period of 1984 and 1991? Well, maybe she was so freaking traumatized by the event that she blanked it out of her memory, remembering it only when she saw the film Thelma & Louise. Due to a magical twist in reality, there were no court records, police incident report or, hell, freaking news coverage. That makes sense, but isn't it odd that not one person from her life at the time came forward and said they remembered it happening. This is a pretty traumatic incident that no one remembers happening, except for Tori and frankly she's a tad too borderline for my taste. Chalk up the experience as an exercise in trust, and I for one believe everything anyone ever tells me.

Even if one day we discover she made it up and collectively the hearts of her fans break in sequence, remember, you always have a world of music to fall back on. She's covered Nirvana and The Cure and, likely, those songs were inspired by real events as well. Worst case scenario, she has that song about Mr. Zebra, which happens to be the worst last name ever.

Great Words From Great Americans
"I'm obsessed with crocodiles and getting eaten by one. When I hear that someone's been eaten by a crocodile or shark, I just get all gooey. I start salivating." -Tori Amos

Stevehen J. Warren was born in America. He knows people. American people. You should contact him if you are an American. Or if you aren't an America, but have ever met one.
He writes just to spite you.


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