Thomm Quackenbush, author

Dr. Tom Coburn [R] Oklahoma

It's Oklahoma political time and, yes, the doctor is in. I know it's a corny tagline, but for the Republican Senator from Oklahoma, it got him elected. Well, not exactly. Claiming his opponent was a Liberal who would swing the power of the Senate into the hands of Kennedy, well, that did it and the humble physician and former House of Representatives member found a cozy seat in the Senate.

Let's take a moment and learn about the good doctor from Oklahoma. In 1968, he married a former Miss Oklahoma. That's good for him. He's survived two bouts with cancer, which is equally good. From 1995-2001, he sat in the House of Representatives, managing to sponsor a whopping ten bills. That seems a tad ineffective, but alas, his website points to the fact that there was a Democrat President in office. Democrats make Republicans lazy and ineffective; I'll have to remember that.

Occasionally, Coburn decides to hold slide shows based on the evils of STDs. Election to the Senate means that the annual STD slide show/lunch continued. Well, that's great. I wish I were making this up. Carrying his tradition from his House of Representatives days, Dr. Coburn decided to spice it up this year. See, you thought Republicans didn't have a sense of humor. Well, you're wrong. It's quite the tradition causing various female attendants to flee the 1997 version due to the content. This year's theme was a Star Wars inspired epic including a Yoda decorated brochure and entry music provided by the film series. Yes, there's nothing in the world that says "don't get penis rot" quite like that lovable Yoda. Say no to the burning of the groin, yes. Anyway, one might find the use of a film where the main character delves into the world of incest relationships a tender subject. Fortunately for us, Republicans have no sense of irony.

Thanks to our current situation in "Crazy World", Dr. Coburn found his way onto the Senate Judiciary Committee, breaking down emotionally, calling for an end to partisan efforts to block whatever question dodging Republican Bush could find to fill the job.

"As a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee, I am committed to confirming federal judges who will respect the Constitution and the original intent of our founders as well as the sanctity of life in all of its stages." -From Coburn's Senate Web Page

Now call me a cynic if you will, but by respecting the Constitution in its original intent, we must bring the country back into a world where African Americans were slaves and women had no voice in the way Government operates. The greatness of the Constitution is not that it remains stable though time, but in its ability to change.

As for the sanctity of life in all its stages, Dr. Coburn's amended his own theory favoring executions for abortionist and anyone who would take a human life, but damn it all, he's against the Death Penalty. I have no idea what's going on.

Great Words From Great Americans
And I thought I would just share with you what science says today about silicone breast implants. If you have them, you're healthier than if you don't. In fact, there's no science that shows that silicone breast implants are detrimental and, in fact, they make you healthier.
-Tom Coburn
They do after all grant you the ability to levitate and speak thirteen separate languages. That is unless they pop, then you'll probably want to have them removed.

Stevehen J. Warren was born in America. He knows people. American people. You should contact him if you are an American. Or if you aren't an America, but have ever met one.
He writes just to spite you.


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