Thomm Quackenbush, author

Misty Mundae

Over the years of watching midnight Cinemax, you've probably come across a movie starring the beautiful Misty Mundae. Stevehen has a favor to ask. Could you please tell him what happens? Stevehen knows she gets naked and all, but Stevehen needs you to describe everything that happens. Stevehen need this, damn it. Stop looking at him, you judgmental pricks. Alas, Stevehen is not allowed to talk about such things. He's in what some may call a "relationship", so the admittance of ever watching a film in which this talented actress exposes her lushness for the entire world to see would be a bad idea. No seriously, Stevehen is not exactly big and, given the opportunity, most people in the world could beat his ass to a bloody pulp. Yes, Stevehen is aware that he is talking in the third person, he is also aware that there's a laser defense system meant to shoot missiles from the sky. Both of these facts amuse Stevehen. They amuse him greatly.

Americans make great movies. Seriously, when was the last time you saw a foreign film? Now try to remember whose idea it was to see that film. It was a girl's plan, wasn't it? I mean you wanted to see Thunderbirds, but you pulled out at the last minute all because of a girl. You are so whipped. Misty Mundae's films are a keen way of twisting the knife back into your female partner. Why not? She was the one who made you sit through the subtitled drivel. Why not make her sit through soft-core porn starting the lovely talented Misty? Nothing says "I never want to see another one of your crappy films" quite like sitting through a girl-on-girl epic loosely based of the Lord of the Rings. Misty's bringing back the parody and anyone whose has a problem with that has a problem with me. Unless your name happens to be Melissa, if it is then ignore all of the above and chalk it up to me forgetting how very special you are to every aspect of my life. That is what we call dodging the bullet. Score one for the nerd.

Misty Mundae's talents do not stop with naked time; on the contrary, she's a talented director and producer. Along with these roles, she's managed to write her fair share of films and is currently in film school mastering her craft. In short, she wears many hats, all of which fit perfectly on her sad little face that just makes you want to reach out and tweak her cheeks. I'm not advocating that you do that, because that would probably cause quite the little sexual harassment lawsuit. Those are never fun, take it from someone whose never been charged with a crime before in his life. Again remember, I'm a whipped little nerd, I've dealt with it, so should you.

If you haven't seen the classics The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String or Play-Mate of the Apes then what are you waiting for? Head out and rent those bad boys already. Bring your girlfriend along. Chances are she'll be impressed by your courage and think of you better because of it. Get over the misconception, women like porn, too. In the end, women and men alike should unite and bask in the glory of Misty Mundae.

Great Words From Great Americans
"I don't know, Smirnof. I'm not noble... or pure. I've stuck up liquor stores. I piss in the shower!" -Misty Mundae in The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String. It just makes you want to see it doesn't it?

Stevehen J. Warren was born in America. He knows people. American people. You should contact him if you are an American. Or if you aren't an America, but have ever met one.
He writes just to spite you.


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Works by Thomm Quackenbush

Anthologies

Find What You Love and Let It Kill You by Thomm Quackenbush
Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft by Thomm Quackenbush
A Creature Was Stirring: A Twisted Christmas Anthology by Thomm Quackenbush
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At Double Dragon