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Johnny Lee Clary

Given the opportunity, people can change. Take Johnny Lee Clary, for instance. As the former national leader of the Ku Klux Klan -- I like to refer to them as "idiots" -- Johnny Lee now prides himself as a preacher and civil rights leader. Martin Luther King Jr. he is not, but points to the man for trying. As chance would have it, Johnny happens to be a former professional wrestler and, like his counterparts in previous columns, he's completely insane.

For one time only, we're going to try something different. Fortunately, Mr. Johnny Lee Clary has a web page and, on his page, an opinion section filled will all the knowledge one would expect from a former Klan member. Let's see how he feels about the issues and the people who make his little world turn.

Gun Control

"They want to take my guns away and that would be just fine if you take them away from all the criminals first then you can have mine! America was built by men who used guns, the pioneer and the cowboy. I do not want to have to harm anyone, but if I catch someone breaking in my house I have a gun waiting for them. I will protect my property and my family, which is my right as an American. Want to take my gun? I invite anyone to come and try to take it from me!"

Here's the problem with that theory: if we take the guns away from everyone, criminals wouldn't have them either. I think we're going at this the wrong way. Mr. Clary, it would make me incredibly happy if you gave me your guns. Seriously, a man of your obvious mental retardation should not have access to weaponry.

Here I'll say it in a simpler way. Methinks you give me guns they go boom and bad.

Rednecks

"What the world needs is a lot more Rednecks, people who are not afraid to take a stand! Rednecks guys and girls have respect for the Lord and The Law and The Working man! If I were President I would make it mandatory to listen to Toby Keith, Hank Williams Jr. and Gretchen Wilson music and live by it! I would also ban the Dixie Chicks!"

If he were President, he would advocate a required music selection and censor music he didn't agree with. Do you know how much time I waste choosing what ass-ridden country music to listen to? With him as President, I would have all the time back to think about what's important. I could devote time to come up with ways to bang my sister, because that's what rednecks do.

President George W. Bush

A true hero who makes me proud to be an American!

Pass.

Skinheads and Neo-Nazis

This is what happens when the trash is missing from the trailer park!

Damn it. Okay, here's my problem. He headed the Klan at one point. He could've been my hero and dissociated himself labeling the supremacy movement as a group of self-loathing idiots who have nothing better to do then blame their problems on others. No, he chooses instead to drop some sort of Benjamin Franklin proverb.

Feminists

We should support feminists because hairy manly girls need love too!

We should support former Klan leaders; because sexist pricks need love too.

Great Words From Great Americans
"There is no such thing as a Christian who is against fighting World War Three against these maniacal killers who seek to destroy Jews and Christians."

Stevehen J. Warren was born in America. He knows people. American people. You should contact him if you are an American. Or if you aren't an America, but have ever met one.
He writes just to spite you.


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