Did you wake up today to realize you're in the greatest nation in the world? Well, if you happen to be an American, then lucky you. Thanks to a sick twist of fate, you avoided birth in one of those savagely poor countries where the only thing to do is starve and wait for us to get around to you. You're on your way to making yourself into one of the proud many that call themselves civilized.
Maybe you've wondered what makes this country so great. Well, if that's one of your questions, chances are that means you're one of those dirty hermaphrodite hippies that see only the gloom in every situation. You pessimistic jerk. This is the greatest country in the world and anyone who disagrees can get out. Seriously, leave and fall into a hole somewhere. Let's see if anyone comes to get you.
Some historians point to the founding fathers as the greatest group of Americans ever. Granted, they didn't have women and minorities holding them down, but even with these socially limiting aspects of our current society, I can still create a list modern Americans we as a people can be proud to call great.
"In America" is all about taking the greatest living Americans and highlighting their lives for the entire world to see. It's about being proud at the accomplishments of our diverse culture and maybe if you pay attention you'll learn something.
God bless America. No seriously, God, whatever we did, we're sorry. It's time to stop punishing the red states.
Stevehen J. Warren was born in America. He knows people. American people. You should contact him if you are an American. Or if you aren't an America, but have ever met one.