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Pastor Fred Phelps

Religion is just plain scary sometimes. Just when you think you've found the crest of insanity, the Internet pushes you onward, leading you to discover that Freedom of Speech leads to outlandish behavior propagated by complete and total dicks. Take Pastor Fred Phelps, for example, he's a dick. Seriously, take off that hat and I'm sure you'll see a giant penis head salivating. Fred Phelps would like you to know that everything bad that happens in the world is due to butt sex. I know it sounds completely random and possibly a little insane, but, damn it all, by some completely random twist of faith, he established a church based on the concept. Fred Phelps hates gay people. Well, he calls them fags, and then defines the word in order to show that the slang originated in the Bible, hence the term "God Hates Fags". Well, I hate dicks, so I suppose that makes us even.

Pastor Fred Phelps is a dick. In 1955, he decided he didn't want to be alone. Lonely dicks aren't very happy. Therefore, he managed to find a collection of dicks and together started the Westboro Baptist Church in that center of sensitivity, Kansas. Every week a group of backwoods hick pricks stops humping their pets long enough to attend church. Still glistening with the sweat of their twelve-year-old Doberman, they shake hands before uniting under their common hatred of gay people. Since bigotry is a boring fad, this building of dicks decided that they'd be happier walking about spreading their insane doctrine of hatred. Their God doesn't love everyone and chances are, if you belong to a church that believes this, then you are living a religious lie. Instead, their God loves to see them protest the gay rights movement and shout profanities at the funerals of sodomites. Fred Phelps is the center of it all, the relative circle jerk of religious insanity.

What's random hatred without a web page? Come on, if those hick Klan members could do it, then religious nut jobs should be able to put a few words together. "God Hate Fags", to paraphrase using big people talk, is more important then bread, water, or life itself. It's the pillar of ignorance, the backwoods thinking of people afraid of an American Dream that never existed for any of them. Consequently, they turn their hatred towards the outsiders, those big city types that spout about how we should all get along. Well, damn it, they have hatred in their heart and ignorance on their breath, America is the place where words can fling themselves from your lips with little or no consequence. No, that's Dick Thought. People are different, deal with it. Stop being a bunch of dicks about it and grow up.

Great Words From Great Americans
Here's a solemn warning to all Media: You can run, but you can't hide from God. The silver cord will soon be loosed, the golden bowl be broken. Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was; and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it. Eccl. 12:6,7. Then will you give account -- throughout all eternity -- for every vicious, hateful, hard word of every piece and every speech which ungodly sinners have spoken and written against Him. Jude 15. Anathema! Maranatha! Meanwhile, WBC will be in your faces: God hates you. You are living filthy lives, leading you irreversibly to Hell; and you cannot repent. Have a nice day.

Well, you have to admit, they were polite about the whole thing.

Stevehen J. Warren was born in America. He knows people. American people. You should contact him if you are an American. Or if you aren't an America, but have ever met one.
He writes just to spite you.


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