Thomm Quackenbush, author

Ann Coulter

Well hello, young voter. Welcome to the world of political bashing. Now you might not think that your vote matters. If you have the manufacturers of voting machines on your side, anything is possible. Have you considered a political party? Let's lead with our best foot forward and just come out and say it, the Republican Party wants you. They need the help. Sure, they tout a record of responsible governmental spending and family values, but rest assured, they are in no way prudes. If you want diversity, then you've come to the right place. Alan Keyes just happens not to be a white guy. Bet you didn't know that. The Elephants care about you and your issues. Let's be honest, you don't need Social Security; Jesus will be around any time now. I promise.

In order to sex up the party to make it attractive to the younger crowd of prospective future voters, the powers that be decided to scourer the world looking for a woman with enough balls to call herself a Republican. Now in no way is that insinuating that the Republican Party is not attractive to women. On the contrary, the Republican Party is where thought and rationality go to die a horrid, Jesus-beaten death. Women love Jesus, I've seen polls on this. Enter Ann Coulter, the post-operation transsexual looking political pundit who just happens to hate women and the Democratic Party. Ann fights the war with a fervor that resembles someone looking for a pair of testicles tossed uselessly on the floor of a third world country hospital room.

One might wonder where the Republican Party found this woman. I know for a fact that they didn't find her wandering through the streets in a post-operation haze, remarking about her newly formed vagina. Likely, her association began with her father who worked for Regan or her start as a lawyer. Losing her penis -- which she never had in the first place -- has nothing to do with joining the Republican Party. It helps that she can write, and boy do I mean write. If you think I'm on the cutting edge of comedy, you should treat yourself and grab a copy of one of her best selling books. Ann is all about teaching you, the potential Republican douche, how to argue with liberal powers that control every aspect of you life. Conspiracy theories don't bode well when a conservative author can write a best selling book, but that's a funny hypothetical argument. Sure, she's on television on a weekly basis touting some random crap book about how we want to raise taxes and control your lives, and still has the sack on her to call the media bias. She operates in a "sky is falling" world where everyone is out to get her. No one on our side wants to hurt you Ann, in truth we just want to be your friends and perhaps give you your penis back.

Ann Coulter wields facts, and some strange Adam's apple bulge. Facts are a tough subject. I can't argue with facts, but I can come up with random things to draw your attention away. Look at the ball. I said, look at the ball. Liberals want to take away Jesus. Every political party needs an attack dog, someone to disintegrate rational arguments and attack the oversimplified remains. In reality, the Democrats should look into getting one of these. Seriously, the best we have is Moveon.org and no one listens to them anymore.

Did You Know
Ann Coulter wrote a book entitled "Slander." I have more to say about this, but you're going to have to buy my book entitled "Irony".

Great Words From Great Americans
"Have we been cryptic? Right-wingers said Clinton was a lying, unscrupulous traveling salesman. It turned out he was a lying, unscrupulous traveling salesman. Now liberals scratch their heads demanding to know: So what was it about him you didn't like?"-Ann Coulter

Yeah, he balanced the budget, the jerk.

Stevehen J. Warren was born in America. He knows people. American people. You should contact him if you are an American. Or if you aren't an America, but have ever met one.
He writes just to spite you.


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Works by Thomm Quackenbush

Anthologies

Find What You Love and Let It Kill You by Thomm Quackenbush
Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft by Thomm Quackenbush
A Creature Was Stirring: A Twisted Christmas Anthology by Thomm Quackenbush
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